Kordell Stewart Is Back, And, So You Know, Still Not Gay

Today is a beautiful day, and not just because Jay Bilas is in Kuwait. No, today the news came across: Kordell Stewart could be returning to the NFL, likely with the Ravens again to help with the injury to Kyle Boller. This is fantastic news, because, as the old maxim goes, Nobody Denies They're Gay Like Kordell Stewart.

Stewart's sexual orientation has been questioned for years, so much so, in fact, that about five years ago, then-Steelers teammates were beginning to openly question him about it, forcing him to call a team meeting to clear the air. That meeting led to one of the most amazing paragraphs ever written in Sports Illustrated, or anywhere.

Stewart's sensitivity and his low profile off the field made him seem distant to teammates during his difficult periods. Moreover, some Steelers admit they were fazed by rumors that Stewart was gay, until he called a meeting before the 1999 season and issued a denial that included graphic descriptions of heterosexual acts he enjoys. "I could see the humor in the situation," Stewart says, "so I decided to have some fun with it. At one point I said, 'You'd better not leave your girlfriends around me, because I'm out to prove a point.' A couple of guys said, 'F—- you, Kordell,' and we all cracked up."

So, in case you were wondering, Kordell Stewart likes to have sex with women. Sometimes he likes it on top. Sometimes on bottom. Sometimes from behind. You never know with that guy. He'll do it with girls any which way he pleases. So you better not leave your girlfriends around him. Because he'll totally do it with them.

Welcome back, Kordell!

Injured Boller Out Against Titans [Baltimore Sun]