America, Meet Ozzie Guillen

We know FOX is disappointed that neither the Red Sox nor the Yankees are in the championship series for only the second time in eight years, but that's no reason for anyone to fret. As we've mentioned before, we couldn't possibly be more excited that White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen is going to have primo prime-time real estate for the next week, at least. So you know some of Ozzie's history, he makes his email address public, he has a devoted fan site from back when people were writing Web code in BASIC and he loves to out "homosexuals" and "child molestors. The odds are good that he will offer to quit at least three times in the ALCS, and/or pick fights with Frank Thomas/Damaso Marte/Magglio Ordonez/Laura Bush. Oh, and Oddjack needs to put down some numbers about how many times he says fuck in that third-inning interview segment. It's gonna be awesome.

The great Yard Work previews the madness with a mock Ozzie Guillen-As-Larry King column. Our favorite part:

Hey, if we stink it up, I m gonna tell you, Man, we stunk. If we play so bad I want to vomit, I ll vomit right in front of you, I don t care. If I wanna drop an f-bomb, then you better wear your kevlar jockstrap, because you re gonna catch some f-shrapnel right in your f-crotch. They don t call me Crazy Ozzie for nothing! Hell, Crazy Ozzie calls himself Crazy Ozzie!

We absolutely cannot wait.

What's On Ozzie's Mind [Yard Work]
Ozzie Guillen: Sexual Profiler [Deadspin]