Minor Enterprise: Here's To You, Folks

Welcome to this season's final edition of Minor Enterprise. The minor league baseball landscape is rather desolate now; the bats have been packed, the bases locked away, the water bottles collected and washed. And we have to tell you, it was a hell of a time finding all that stuff from where Joe Mikulik had thrown it.

So now it's time for our season-ending Minor Enterprise achievement awards ... the Munchies, if you will. Winners were announced on Saturday at the gala Munchie Awards Show in Fresno, Calif., in which no one showed up but Kevin Federline, and a goat that wandered in from a nearby farm. Here is the recap.

Player of the Year: Dave Bresnahan, backup catcher, Class-AA Williamsport Bulls. For his brave act of carving a potato to look like a baseball, and then fooling a runner on third base with said spud in an actual game, Bresnahan established his place in minor league lore. And was also released, ending his career. As the Mighty MJD said when he originally posted it, "I think it was worth it."

Mascot of the Year: Timber Jim, Portland Beavers. Take that, nature! Runnerup: Boomer the Beaver, from the same team.

Promotion of the Year: Latin Night Featuring A Captured Chupacabra, Oklahoma RedHawks, Class-AAA Pacific Coast League. As legend has it, there is nothing more terrifying than the mysterious Chupacabra (Spanish for "goat-sucker"), famous in Mexican folklore and one particular X-Files episode. RedHawks groundskeeper Monte McCoy allegedly captured the creature with a batting-practice net and knocked it out with a rake. Fans were invired to inspect the beast, which was also available for pinch-running duties. Modesty forbids our choosing either "Carl "Mustache" Monday or You're With Me Leather Night, both promotions of the Class-A Dunedin Blue Jays.

Manager of the Year: Joe Mikulik of the Class-A Asheville Tourists, for his deranged tirade against umpires during a game with the Lexington Legends.

Executive of the Year: Mark Beskid, Director of Graphic Communications for the Lake Elsinore Storm of the Single-A Califonia League. Beskid wrote and produced the thrilling, 14-minute sci-fi epic film Storm Wars II, which was shown in the stadium as part of the team's Star Wars Night promotion last month, and featured costumed mascots fighting evil. Since Oscar voters routinely ignore science fiction efforts, we thought we'd honor him here.

Best Inspirational Artwork: Heavenly Images, for their "Jesus Ascending With Mr. Celery." The masterpiece is now on tour in the Far East, where it is gaining religious converts by the hour.

Best Bobblehead: The Tom Cruise Bobblecouch, Lake Elsinore Storm. Oprah's sofa has never been more fun.

Best Reader Comment: So many great ones, but this really tickled us (and you know how we love being tickled): "They've frozen Mr Celery in carbonite!!" by Chopper Dave.

See ya next year!