All right, so after doing this live blog of a Cardinals game thing on Tuesday, it's pretty clear now that our hearts can't take it. It's difficult enough for us to survive watching these games; we can't actually be expected to type about them. Therefore, we're handing over the live-blogging chores to associate editor Rick Chandler for this one. He should be able to avoid the violent spasms we had Tuesday.
So, we're to Game 2 of this NLDS, and we're still not ready. You can say the Cardinals have a 1-0 lead, but not only is Jeff Weaver pitching today, but if the series goes the full five games, he will also start Game 5 ... on three days rest! So yeah: This probably needs to be taken care of in four.
The live blog is after the jump. Feel free to taunt us in the comments and email Rick with your input.
Karl Ravich: "The Cardinals do some high-fiving as they prepare to meet the Cardinals in Game Two." No stone will be left unturned in this one.
And our first commenter is ... Jen P. "violent spams? I'm sorry I wasn't here to see that ..."
Actually, we did receive a couple of those.
Welcome to The Show, and hello to all of you Tampa Bay Devil Rays fans who are here on the orders of Tommy Lasorda. Only 25 outs to go.
Top of the First:
Boomer, set loose on the gals of San Diego! You're with me, top of the first.
"You do not want to be diving into the bag with Albert Pujols running right at you." Thanks Boomer.
Bottom of the First
Poker? Norman Chad? Am I dreaming?
Oh, the game switched to ESPN. Whew!
Adrian Gonzalez = stud.
OUT! at the plate. ... and ... oh no! J.D. Drew is following him to home!
Top of the Second
I haven't seen quite enough replays of that play at the plate. Hey, what are those ripples on the top of the Padres' batting helmets? Also, we admire parents who name their children Geoff. Jeff just not quite good enough ... and there's a homer ... back, back, back ... foul! So our first "back, back, back!" comes early.
Bottom of the Second
Tommy Lasorda ... preaching to the choir. For these commercial spots to be effective, shouldn't they be running during "Crossing Jordan" on A&E?
David Wells' curve kind of reminds you of a rainbow after a nice storm? Wha ...?
Top of the Third
Seeing an old photo of a skinny David Wells is actually quite frightening.
"We'll be right back with an interview with Padres' manager Bruce Bochy" ... followed by an Lunesta ad. "Do you lie awak at night, unable to sleep?" ...
Top of the Fourth
We're not sure what we think about these live interviews of coaches. Among other things, the double over Preston Roberts' head occurs during the interview. What's next? Interviews of players in the field?
Pujols comes through, as Will knew he would. Oh man, a scoring nightmare on this one. Safe at second? You cannot be serious! Where was everyone?
So Boomer pretty much jinxed the Padres with that Bochy interview, I think we can all agree. "Wells in playoff form" indeed.
Will Leitch Update: Currently hanging from revolving fan, which is set to "medium".
That was one sweet catch by Dave Roberts. Boomer calls them "Redbirds." That seems wrong, somehow.
An inning called by Chris Berman, followed by a Taco Bell ad, kind of synchs rather nicely. "I'm full!"
Even better: An inning called by Chris Berman followed by an ad for "Jackass II." Sorry. That was mean.
Bottom of the Fourth
I'm kind of freezing my hinder off right now, and I don't really apprecaite watching all those "sun-drenched" Padres fans in shirtsleeves calling for the beer vendor. Hey, one of 'em is entering the Padres dugout, and Wells is pulling a five out of his wallet.
Top of the Fifth
Was that a pickoff of Molina, or simply the slowest steal attempt ever? And now we have Wells giving up a single to Weaver, which is always fun. He's now hitting .139. You know this bodes well for the Cardinals. Oops, Eckstein double play.
"We'll talk to Tony LaRussa after we return." Uh oh. Sorry, Will.
After seeing that FLOMAX commercial, I long for those Applebee's guys.
Jerry checks in, with a good point: "I didn't read Tuesday's blog, so I don't know if you noticed that Berman
"literally pulled the string" on his curveball. Today he said the Padres might "appeal to a higher power...literally". What the ... ? It's torture enough watching my teams decade long mental block with the Cardinals, in which a 2-0 deficit feels like 15-0, but to have to listen to Berman butcher the word "literally" and become obsessed with shadows is more than I can bear. Kill me now."
Bottom of the Fifth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0
All right, THE WIND IS GOING OUT TO RIGHT FIELD. We get it.
After that play by Scott Rolen at third, we just kind of get the feeling that the Cardinals are destined for good things here. The Cardinals and Padres have played 69 post-season innings, Boomer tells us, and San Diego has held leads in just four of them.
Now Klesko gets things going with a single. Two on, two out. So long, David Wells.
No, Jeff Weaver has not pulled a switcheroo with his brother. Strikeout ends the inning.
Top of the Sixth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
Another hit (single) for Pujols. To right. Pujols 4x7 in series. And now Cards have just grounded into sixth double play of the series. Will sets ceiling fan to "high", revolves nervously.
Bottom of the Sixth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
Weaver is out, and we have our first Boomerism. Now pitching, Randy "Linoleum" Flores. That's so 1970s.
Brian Giles grounds out, Barfield strikes out.
Adrian Gonzalez single, prompting LaRussa to go to the bullpen. A righty? Really? Josh Kinney.
Josh Bard did not like that call for a second strike. Jawing at umpire. Um, again with the "shadows"?
Bard K. Padres gone.
Top of the Seventh, Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
Run, you %$^&*#@ brownie! Run!
Juan Encarnacion grounds out to second for first out. Looper up in the bullpen. We hope Meredith sticks around a bit, because we love that sidearm mojo. (submarine)?
Edmonds K. Belliard up. Another K.
Bottom of the Seventh, Cardinals 2, Padres 0..
Josh Kinney to pitch to Mike Cameron, who has one of SD's two hits.
Another closeup of Mike Piazza, just watching. Cameron flies out to left for the first out.
It's Russell Branyan time! Ah, he grounds out to first for the second out. If you're a Padres fan, that sinking feeling must be settling in about now.
Geoff Blum will rock your world, St. Louis. Things we'd like to not hear about for the rest of the game: Shadows. That's about it, really.
Blum walks, bringing us ... Piazza!
Piazza lines out to right. Good night, sweet Padres.
Top of the Eighth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
Clay Hensely to the mound. Molina pops out weakly to center. Is it just us, or has this game slipped from exciting to catatonic? Rodriguez flies out to the warning track, brining up Eckstein.
Eckstein fans. But ... apparently not. Evidently he got a piece of the pitch. Padre suffering prolonged. We like the closeup of the guy wearing the old Padre brown jersey. Eckstein grounds out to short.
Bottom of the (yawwwwn) Eighth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
What can you say about Albert Pujols? Never enough, according to ESPN. As much as we love seeing him in the playoffs, we get the feeling that he is going to be the next NCAA Chevy Trucks commercial ... ominpresent, to the point of madness. Get used to Pujols closeups after every out. You will be seeing him in your sleep.
Tyler Johnson, Columbia, Missouri native, will now pitch to Dave Roberts. Yow ... struck out looking. 1 out.
Time for the hitting stylings of Brian Giles. Another K, looking. We've never really noticed Johnson this year, but he looks pretty nasty here. That curve is pretty much unhittable. Two out.
Padres have nine hits and one run in series ... make that 10 hits, as Barfield doubles down the line in left. Adam Wainwright is pitching, by the way. We would never take Johnson out of a game, ever. Gonzalez hitting. The Padres' season may be hanging on this.
Gonzalez grounds out to second. This is over.
Will Leitch update:. Will is telling everyone within earshot, "This is not over."
Top of the Ninth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
Does anyone know, do Padres' fans have the same reputation for leaving the game early as Dodgers fans? We seem to see very few empty seats. Well, a 2-0 score in the playoffs will do that, we suppose.
Preston Wilson pops out, 1 gone.
Your Chevrolet Player of the Game, Albert Pujols, will now take a few swings.
A shot to left, which goes for a double. Shadows can't stop The Poo.
Rolen popout to first. 2 outs. Juan Encarnacion infield single.
Edmonds walks, bringing up Belliard. Bases loaded, folks.
Ladies and gentelmen, the Scott Linebrink Experience. And on his first offering, Belliard pops out to second. Thanks, and drive safely!
Bottom of the Ninth. Cardinals 2, Padres 0.
Dr. Phil would like Dennis to quit staying out late and get a clue. Stupid remote.
Adam Wainwright pitching to The Bard.
Molina throws out Bard on a "little nubber" in front of the plate. No, he wasn't bunting. Althougfh he probably should have been. Cameron at bat now. He was always our favorite Mariner when we lived in Redmond.
Yow, wild pitch to the screen. Is Charlie Sheen pitching?
Cameron strikes out. 2 outs. We never liked Cameron.
But don't lose hope Padres fans, because once again, it's Russell Branyan time!
And San Diegop is down to its last strike ... a term we never really understood, because what if he gets on base? Don't they get three more?
We hestitate to call this series, because of that whole Red Sox-Yankees thing in '04 (plus, there's the AL Central race this year). But going to St. Louis down 2-0, we suspect that Wells can finally quit worrying about watching his weight.
We miss the skinny high school David Wells.
We appreciate all readers for putting up with our initial live blogging efforts. Thanks for not killing us too much.
Final Will Leitch Update: There is a trail of discarded clothing leading out the front door, and an elderly woman passed out on the sidewalk. See you for Game 3.