Wednesday, we told you about how a Japanese team was close to signing Sammy Sosa, forcing him to pretend not to be able to speak Japanese. Well, it turns out that the Japanese have had a change of heart, thanks mostly to trans fatty acids.
According to an interview in Chunichi Sports, an unnamed player personnel official with the Yokohama Bay Stars called a recent attempt by Sosa's agent to get him a roster spot with the team for a $500,000 salary as endeavoring "to perpetrate fraud on us." In addition, the bigwig expressed strong doubts about the former Cub's character. Alluding to the still unproven rumor that Sosa took steroids as well as the corked bat incident, he smirked, "guys who use performance enhancing drugs and break the rules aren't real sportsmen."
He then elaborated, "besides, he's fat now. Where would we play him? He would probably go home in two months."
We sympathize with Sosa; the process of aging can work depressing wonders on the complex physical construction that is the human body. Now that no MLB or Japanese teams want Sosa, we would like to respectfully extend an invitation to play on the Gawker Media bowling team. They certainly do not test for illicit substances there, thank heavens.