Nobody Cares About Your Fantasy TeamS

To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week.

Mr. Iracane is the guy who approves and deletes comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed.

So here's this week's column, about the notion of you and your fantasy baseball team ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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The seasons have changed from springtime to summertime, and all across North America, sports fans like ourselves have just two questions running through their minds: (a) is it too late to get my money back for my shitty fantasy baseball team, and (b) when is my fantasy football draft?

Ever since fantasy sports passed those silly Magic cards as the most popular hobby for dorks, online discourse about professional sports has never been the same. Check out one of the Daily Closer columns, and for every "Yankees suck" comment you'll see a "Thanks for ruining my fantasy team, Julio Lugo" comment. Think about it for a second: Besides the Boston Red Sox, how many teams does Julio Lugo play for this season? There must be a million 'general managers' besides Theo Epstein stupid enough to own him! The important thing to realize is that if I do not 'employ' Julio Lugo on my 'team' the only schadenfreude I have about his miserable stat line is directed at the Red Sox and not the chucklehead in my league or your league who drafted him instead of J.J. Hardy. Nobody cares about your fantasy team.

How many times must we read about fantasy team owners complaining that Mike Shanahan benched "their" running back? How many times must we read a complaint that Andruw Jones is bringing down the team batting average? These newfangled online fantasy leagues have message boards nowadays. We should use them and save the Daily Closer for more important comments like "Stupid Angelos" or a hilarious "So I Married an Axe Murderer" quote. Why? Because nobody cares about your fantasy team.

Without further ado, the Comments of the Fortnight:

Re: Latins vs. whites in the Mets clubhouse

Peter Cavan: "Jose Reyes: I like to play baseball at Shea
Julio: Airplanes fly over you all day
Jose Reyes: Everyone there gives me big cheer
Julio: That's because they've had too much beer"

Re: the Rick Ankiel Comeback Tour

Stev D: "Hopefully his return will be better than Tony Blundetto's."

Re: MLB's fight against unlicensed fantasy leagues

GHABB,Y!: I'll get around this rule by selecting Johnny Peralta.