Rick Ankiel Is Going To Be Here Any Minute Now

Oh, it's so close now, friends ... As you know, our serious, debilitating man crush on Rick Ankiel makes it nearly impossible for us to have even the slightest bit of perspective on him. Every time we think about him, we want to give him a Harold Reynolds. We still wear the jersey every time we play softball. And we wrote 2,500 words on him for the new book. We're a little obsessed.

And any minute now ... he's gonna be in the major leagues. He's currently hitting .286 with a league-leading 19 homers — he hit three in one game over the weekend — in Memphis, and he'd be up already if the Cardinals wouldn't be forced to keep him on the big league roster the rest of the season. When he eventually does make it up, the Busch Stadium roar for him will rival what it sounded like when the Cardinals won the World Series last year ... and we're not even kidding.

Some might have doubted him, but we always had faith. He's going to be here so soon. Excuse our erection.

Rick Ankiel Is Out Of Options [The Fanhouse] Return Of Rick [Doberman On The Diamond]

(And yes: This is what the top of our television looks like:)