This will mark the third Deadspin post this month about Jay Mohr's new gig, which is QUITE FRANKLY far more attention than he deserves, but golly, this is too good to resist: He's gone and got himself a blog. And it's brimming with treasure:
Many of you are "bloggers." That means you write for the internet...This is my new blog. I am going to criticize your blog from my blog.
Oh, it gets better. Let's start at the top.
I currently write a column for FOXSports.com (I am not listed on the roster of writers, but if I was, I would be listed between Eric Moneypenny and Warren Moon).
An alphabet joke! Edgy! Man alive, when they called him "darkly funny" they weren't fucking around.
I wrote a column about being the new guy, and listed some of my likes and dislikes, and the majority of the 300 comments told me that I am a has been, useless, never funny, pathetic excuse of a writer.
Clearly, we've underestimated the aggregate IQ of FOXSports fans. I've never felt closer to y'all.
I am currently reading comment after comment about how sad it is that FOXSports.com had to hire an out-of-work, has-been comedian to write for them. I would like to take this moment to publicly remind all of my readers that I can be seen every Friday at 8 p.m. on CBS on the television
show The Ghost Whisperer. That is, Friday nights...on television...as in NOT OUT OF WORK.
Holy shit, Jay Mohr is a journalist. This just in: The Ghost Whisperer: Still on television! And it's supposed to be a comedy? It all makes sense now.
Finally, for all of you that post comments such as, "FOXSports.com will let any clown write a column!" let me assure you: YOU ARE RIGHT!!!!
Oh, if only. How about Pennywise the Dancing Clown? We all float...and when you're down here (in the basement of the NFC North), you'll float too. I'd pony up ESPNInsider dough to
read "The Turtle Can't Help You, Jimmy Clausen".
If all of you out-of-work writers — by that I mean WITHOUT CONTRACT with FOXSports.com — want to continue to slam me and tell everyone what a zero I am in my message margin, I encourage you to do so.
For the record, I'm quite fond of our humble little corner of the internets, and am having only the mildest of difficulties drawing breath day in and day out without a CONTRACT with FOXSports.com, but that's very much beside the point. Just so we're all on the same page here: Mohr writes a few poorly-received columns, then constructs an entirely new forum to tell the blogosphere to keep taking their best shots? What a giver! I'm moved to charity, Jay. I've clambered atop the biggest soapbox I can find (albeit one that we've vajayjacked for the weekend), and I'm here to present you with the
negative attention you so desperately crave:
We're not taking shots at you because we're jealous. We're taking shots at you because you're screamingly unfunny.
Love from our parents' basements,
[The views expressed herein were not written by and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any Gawker Media employee—but seriously, Jay Mohr: Not funny. At all. Affirmed.]