What to watch as your parrot comes back as a potato chip ...
• NBA: Seattle at Chicago. Go Cubs! Oh, sorry; my mistake. Carry on. [WGN]
• NHL: Pittsburgh at Philadelphia. Why no team named the Ice Bears? [Versus]
• Soccer: UEFA Champions League; Real Madrid CF vs. SS Lazio, at Madrid. Taped. Isn't the sinking of the SS Lazio what started the Spanish-American War? [ESPN Classic]