Deadspin
It's probably best, at this point, to think of Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte as characters from "Mean Girls."
Roger was the older girl who taught Andy how to be popular, and they were totally BFF. Then they both got in trouble for drinking on campus with alcohol that Roger had bought — he always wants to drink more than Andy; Andy is worried about upsetting her parents — and when faced with punishment by her strict, Fundamentalist parents, Andy sells out Roger, who was behind the whole thing in the first place.
The analogy holds even during the "What's Happening To My Body" phrase.
Ward and Emery said they believed that Pettitte, who has acknowledged receiving H.G.H. from McNamee in 2002, will provide the first account of contemporaneous conversations with McNamee about Clemens's use of performance-enhancing drugs in earlier years.
You SLUT! That was our secret!
The Honeymoon Is Over [Metroville]
Discussing Clemens [Baseball Musings]
Comments
Dear Burn Book:
That Andy Pettitte is almost too gay to function...
Sooo....Andy Pettite has big hooters?
Mean Girls??? Wasn't that the movie Lindsey Lohan was in before she spiraled out of control and now has plenty of funny pictures on a college humor website.
If you're gonna juice, at least do it in the house.
/Clemens' Mom
I'd just like to say I, for one, welcome our newfound Toaster Streudel meme overlord.
I like that this article is tagged "top". Will, do you have some sort of personal information on Roger and Andy's relationship?
OMG, like you are such an axe wound Andy.
-BFF Roger
@tater: I love that picture where she's throwing a gang sign!
I think this storyline much more closely resembles Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
I told you not to hang out with that Roger character. He's no good.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip:
It's a complicated one because each guy only once pitches every 5 days.
So are you saying that Clemens has balls the size of Lohan?
Ok, I can see that.
Bonds' man boobs ... can tell when it's currently raining.
Roger you get 3 candy cane grams.
...and none for Andy.
MOM: hey kid, more Sunny D!
Clemens: Fuck off, whore!
So is Knobluach the guy that also got caught drinking that same night but got caught doing so alone in the men's locker room?
I don't think it's safe for us to be disscussing pre melt down Lindsay Lohan around here...
Oh Chris Hansen what are you doing here?
So is Mike Piazza the kid who's too gay to function?
/FRIEND ME ON DEADSPIN PLZ KTHX!
"We will test you for HGH as long as it takes!"
(um ... we can only drug test them until 4)
"We will test you for HGH until 4!"
Which one banged Phil Garner?
So if we use the Lindsay Lohan analogy... when does Pedro Guerrero enter this story?
I only saw parts of Mean Girls when it was on HBO one day and totally didn't DVR it and masturbate to it while drunk.
Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count...
Oh sorry, wrong movie.
@Yellow Tail Swine: Well this one time Roger was banging Andy's wife, and Andy walked in. Then both of them started giving Roger...
Yuck
Maybe Roger's physique is the result of Toaster Strudels and not steroids.
TOASTER STREUDELS ARE, QUITE FRANKLY, A PREPOSTEROUS MEAL TO BEGIN YOUR DAY WITH
@ArkansasFred: you're ### then.
@Lady Andrea:
Grow up, Andy, steroids are so 2006.
So wait a second: which Corey is Clemens?
"Brian McNamee injected me with Kälteen and lidocaine. I was trying to gain five pounds."
I could go all day on this.
@tater: Yes, the last time she was ridiculously hot.
Andy,
Did you rat me out? Check one.
____ Yes
____ No
Roger
@She Blinded Me With Violence: I had a feeling there was more to Becky than meets the eye, but sharing her toaster strudel with professional athletes? I can only express confusion which borders on amazement.
@Lady Andrea: I called my teen angst Terry. We would go out in the woods and throw rocks at stick figures we made and listen to the wind tell us how handsome we really were. Terry also liked to trick me into taking PCP.
Andy: Roger, I'm sorry I called you a fat-assed bitch. It's not your fault your ass is so fat.
Am I the only one who likes Lohan more now that she has all these alcohol/drug issues? I love a hot crazy chick.
I thought Andy loved Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
Toaster Streudel is a well known source of Vitamen A, C, and HGH
@Gourmet Spud: "Dear Diary: Roger told me he teaches people "real life." He said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? He said, yes. I said, you're beautiful."
Awesome movie -
Going by that picture, they look more like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants with the magic pants that fits all of them.
@pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: or even vitamins you ignorant hillbilly.
@the intrepid spaceman spiff: That took a bite out of my nutritious belief that capital letters don't make things funnier.
@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: Not after she's been passed around like a bottle of crown.
Doesn't this whole Roger & Andy story/relationship sound strikingly similar to the plot of Good Burger?
@Lady Andrea: Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Which one is Lindsey Lohan?
After all of this cheating the Astros should at least have a World Series title to forfeit.
@Gourmet Spud: what's your damage, Clemens?
When did Carlos Beltran move away?
What a slut.
Ichiro made out with Coach Carr! And so did Dice-K!
And Torre's the good-hearted guidance counselor who never saw a fucking thing.
@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: Nah, man. She's running full speed away from the Vicky Mendoza line.
@Candygram: They just might if Albert Pujols didn't hit Brad Lidge so far he knocked his talent out of the park with the ball.
Which one gave the football team crabs?
roger, maybe next time don't inject human growth hormone in your ass. bartolo colon thinks you've put on a little too much ass weight.
@Candygram: Right because nobody on that Sox team ever put anything illegal in their bodies.
/Still bitter about blowing 3 of those games in the 8th or later.