He's Totally Rich Because Her Dad Invented Toaster Streudels

It's probably best, at this point, to think of Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte as characters from "Mean Girls."

Roger was the older girl who taught Andy how to be popular, and they were totally BFF. Then they both got in trouble for drinking on campus with alcohol that Roger had bought — he always wants to drink more than Andy; Andy is worried about upsetting her parents — and when faced with punishment by her strict, Fundamentalist parents, Andy sells out Roger, who was behind the whole thing in the first place.

The analogy holds even during the "What's Happening To My Body" phrase.

Ward and Emery said they believed that Pettitte, who has acknowledged receiving H.G.H. from McNamee in 2002, will provide the first account of contemporaneous conversations with McNamee about Clemens's use of performance-enhancing drugs in earlier years.

You SLUT! That was our secret!

The Honeymoon Is Over [Metroville] Discussing Clemens [Baseball Musings]