Deadspin
Dan Shanoff, occasional college football columnist for Deadspin, reflects on college football's signing day today. Email him to let him know what you think.
Kevin Hart did it right: Buy into the dream that a big-time college is recruiting you, hold a huge press conference to announce your commitment, then have it revealed that the whole thing is a sham.
As high school seniors, we should all have been so lucky.
We should all have been ogled by skeevy grown men who drool over our 17-year-old "hip swivel" and text us day and night ("So R U Going 2 FSU?") when they aren't stalking us in our high school parking lot.
We should all be rated on a star system, one through five, even though unless your name is Vince Young, being a "5" usually no more guarantees ultimate success than being a "2." (Why do we never hear about "1-star" prospects?)
We should all be the subject of ugly rumors on message boards at web sites bought by Yahoo for $100 million. ($100 million! For a glorified message board!)
We should all get a series of YouTube clips that show only the greatest highlights of our potential, set to a soundtrack of Souljaboy, death metal or catchy Christian rock. (Screw Sam McGuffie: Where was the video of Big Daddy Drew as a high school senior, regaling classmates with dick jokes that flashed his future promise?)
We should all have enjoyed a Signing Day moment on ESPNews, putting on an ugly hat (Shocker: Haverford over Penn!) while mumbling thanks to mom and boasting of Econ stardom as a true freshman.
We should all enjoy being the center of a recruiting battle between Michigan and Ohio State that has bloggers like Brian Cook dissecting every sliver of new info... then ditching both schools for Penn State. (No, I have no special inside info about Terrelle Pryor. Stop emailing me, Coach Rodriguez.)
We should all be able to commit, de-commit, then re-commit to the college of our choice, with that college's faculty recruiters lapping our taint every step of the way.
We should all be able to use the phrase "strong lean" as it relates to our stress-addled teenaged mind's decision-making ability and have adults we have never met before spend more time parsing that phrase than they spent with their children that week.
We should all be part of an incoming freshman class that is ranked against every other freshman class in the country, then have that ranking debunked by everyone as being complete and utter bullshit.
(Oh, wait: Rivals and Scout rankings may be ridiculous, but U.S. News and World Report college rankings are still the unrivaled king.)
Kevin Hart knows, that's what Signing Day is really about: Inflated hopes, unfulfilled promise(s) and a bunch of sketchy-ass people telling you things you shouldn't believe, but do anyway. Hell, that's the entire college experience. (So who's going to let the kids in on THAT?)
As usual, send comments to danshanoff-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com.
Comments
We should all be able to read a sports blog and not have to be subjected to the driveling rants of a myopic homer.
Wait, what?
Darn*, I agree with Shanoff. That's now twice this year. This is, indeed, a strange new world in which we reside.
*--annoyingly, I have given up swearing for Lent. This will make me sound like
JI
JIM THOME.
I didn't know WWE had a signing day.
Scan for the word Tebow...
It's clean.
Another fine product of the Matthew Lesko Ugly Jacket Emporium.
Where was the video of Big Daddy Drew as a high school senior, regaling classmates with dick jokes that flashed his future promise?
I don't know, but the local authorities have a video of Drew flashing his dick at high school seniors.
I hope poor Kevin Hart at least got a sympathy lay from a cheerleader.
Bring that kid on. We're always looking to teach dirty play while avoiding class and disobeying the legal system.
/Phil Fulmer
Is that Will at Book Soup last night?
I am extremely excited about Old Dominion's all-redshirt class.
I'm pretty sure Drew is still telling the same jokes.
@Yostal: I am trying the same. My prediction is I make it to Friday before kneeling to say 100 Hail Marys.
So, with whom did Joe Walsh sign?
@Yostal: I've been under the impression it's a new wing world.
I expected "A Signing Day For Everyone" to talk about how Florida's recruiting is going. What a letdown.
Why is Kim Mattingly signing autographs?
Signing day in college football? Jesus, that's like listening to Obama and Clinton debate policy back in August of '07.
@Yostal: I'm not giving up a fucking thing for Lent. I'm in the Dana Jacobsen camp--fuck Jesus.
Wow, she is good, staying in the lines and all.
Pfft, I chose Penn over Haverford when the Classics department called and offered me front row seats for Ancient History 26. Can't say no to that.
I use the term "strong lean" whenever I have to describe my peyronie's disease. wait. no. I mean my friend's peyronie's disease
I looked at Rivals.com's Top 100 and I was shocked to realize that BC had NO ONE on that list. So I thought to myself, if I were a football player would I choose a school with rigorous academic requirements, or a school that lets me take Tango dancing and bang co-eds all day. And that answered all my questions.
What the fuck is Phil Spector wearing?
@Yostal: Seriously, I was going to give up swearing for Lent, but I realized what that would do to my Deadspin posts and decided against it.
That, and I would have only lasted eleven hours anyway.
I loathe signing day. Its like hearing people bragging about their fantasy draft a year or two before they'll play a game.
Darrell Fucking Scott is coming to play some DIVISION I FOOTBALL!!
Kevin Hart. A champion for all the mediocre offensive linemen too small, slow, and stupid to compete on any collegiate level. This'll still sting years from now when he's pumping gas outside Blanko, New Mexico. This prank was deliciously evil. Well done, A.J.
@matt_t:
I'm hearing good things about Notre Dame's 2010 class.
@Yostal:
You too? FUCK!
Oops.
Eh, what I love about Rivals and Scout is that if a player is rated at 4 stars...then has the gumption to sign with a mid-major, they'll be a 2-3 star the next day.
Eric Idol. Aging well.
Nice cranky old man post from Shanoff. This is like those people who loved [insert sport here] but hated free agency.
As Shanoff typed this, an American flag was unfurled in the background.
Is she signing her letter of intent for the Retirement Castle?
I am pretty sure I was a 1 star prospect in high school. It's like the Springfield elementary football team with Ralph.
Coach "Ralph, you're on special teams"
Ralph "I'm special!"
Shanoff can say all of this because Florida has a kick-ass Top 5 class coming in!
national signing day is creepy. glorifying high school seniors = weird.
@HazelMaesLandingStrip: Rigorous schmigorous.
Sue Johanson's dildos are getting smaller. And they write!
Isn't strong lean what killed Pimp C?
Based on that picture, Charlie Weis is really getting desperate.
Kurt Vonnegut's shirt was so loud it killed some minks. So it goes.
The Illinois fan in my office commented earlier today about how weird it is that I (a Tennessee fan) am not that interested in National Signing Day and am instead looking forward to the NCAA basketball tournament, while he has given up on the basketball Illini this year and is anxiously monitoring updates on Zook's next incoming class...
The end times are nigh, folks.
Notre Dame would have had an even better class, but Weis accidentally ate a WR.
@Whitey Fisk: When you see him trying to eat the actual buffet table, that's when you know Charlie Weis has gotten desperate.
@tickenest: I chose Kansas over Northwestern when they sent me a letter saying "We're not here to judge, but did a number fall off of your SAT score?"
This day for BC usually turns into them unearthing a Flutie or a Hasselbeck.
@UpstateUnderdog: Yes, unless it's Alison Stokke. In which case it's still weird, but in a pull-the-head-off-my-ween way.
@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: Or a small clown car full of hasselbecks
I'm guessing there will be a grand total of 0 players on any of these lists going to UVA.
@matt_t: To add to your loathing, hell of a class y'all are bringing in this year.
@Slothrop:
Dear Reaper:
I accept.
Love,
Grandma Jenkins
Does Young Dro know about this "strong lean"?
Tiki Barber can tell you all about Signing Day.
...a glorified message board!
Who said irony was dead?
@Berto: The Sequel: Surely Howie Long has some other children?
Looking at the ESPN 150 I don't see a single top 150 recruit going to Cal to join Hart. However I did see they have a verbal committment from some QB named Beau Sweeney. 2010 is gonna sweet when Beau Sweeney is backing up Brock Mansion. Hopefully next year they can get a QB recruit with the first named Butch so the depth chart is Brock, Beau, Butch.
@Yostal: Ditto on the Lenten sacrifice.
But come on, fawn a little over the kids. Recruiting Claus only comes once a year. And for the love of all that is Holy, quit agreeing with Shanoff.
@LesMilesIsAMouthyDouche: Brock Mansion?! How is that guy not a professional wrestler/porn star?
@babaoje: Nathanael Hasselbeck just dropped a punt
I didn't achieve Econ stardom until I pulled an A+ my senior year (true!).
@matt_t: Sorry to hear that, I'm afraid you're no longer welcome in the ESS EE SEE.
We may have found our new Lucious Pusey:
[insider.espn.go.com]
@Doyle McPoyle: For what it's worth he doesn't look like a Brock Mansion, however I don't think anyone can truly look like a Brock Mansion until they hit 35.
I am totally pumped at my alma mater's recruiting class. Now, to sit back and marvel at how Wannstedt inevitably ruins it.