Deadspin
You only have 45 minutes, folks, to get thee to Bristol ("across from the McDonald's," actually) to join the Christian Defense Coalition's protest of ESPN. They're still fired up about the Dana Jacobson mess, but they seem more incensed these days by the infamous Chris Berman video.
You can play grab ass — and say "fuck fuck fuck" — all you want, but when you say, "Jesus Christ" or "goddammit" in the workplace, you're a bigot. Or something.
The Christian Defense Coalition will be calling on ESPN to take three positive steps toward building a culture of religious tolerance in their workplace:
*Discipline or terminate any employee that uses religiously intolerant and hateful language such as "Goddamn" or the negative use of "Jesus Christ" in the workplace.
*Sponsor a workplace seminar and dialogue on religious tolerance and discrimination in the workplace. ESPN has held similar seminars on race and gender but never on religion.
*Host a discussion on one of their programs featuring the topic of the offensive use of "Goddamn" and "Jesus Christ" within the sports world.
OK, that last segment would be the most boring episode of "Outside the Lines" ever; Bob Ley would look like someone in a hostage video.
Frankly, we think this "Christian Defense Council" has a few screws loose. Here's another excerpt from their press release:
It is the goal of the Christian Defense Coalition to help ESPN realize the negative use of "Jesus Christ" and "Goddamn" in the workplace is as offense and hateful as using the term "nigger" in the workplace.
Uh, no. No it isn't. Like, at all.
Anyway, the protests are coming hot and heavy at ESPN these days. Hope they don't run into mobile phone guy at the protest. If anybody's in the area, feel free to take pictures of the four or five people sure to be "protesting." Look for the McDonald's. It's across the street.
Demonstration In Front Of ESPN Monday [Christian Newswire]
(By the way, if you want to know what kind of nonsense this group has been up to in the past, here's a story about the time they accused the Secret Service of banning crosses.)
Comments
They are exactly right. Every time I use the word "goddamn," my black friends die a little inside. That is totally the same thing.
Will the protest be held at the bike rack or by the new satellite dish?
I'm hoping ESPN has a Zoidberg moment and sends Berman out to meet the protesters with Kenny Mayne dressed as "his friend Jesus".
That quote from the Christian Defense Council doesn't seem to agree with itself.
INVISABLE CHICKEN WING PLATE
If it means giving Boomer the axe, bring me a pitchfork.
Wake me up when a disgruntled member of the CDC releases a string of YouTube videos of CDCers sneaking into the synagogue.
misrepresentation sucks
What's my favorite thing about Hooters? I'll give you two: boobs and hot wings!
Sean Salisbury feels this is all a big misunderstanding, and has evidence on his phone to prove it.
Thos women can decorate me anytime (ummm, yeah well not you on the far right . . . )
As I stated yesterday, I'm just going to keep protesting Berman's creepiness by drinking expensive red wine (with a bite!) as far away from him as possible.
/grabs bottle.
/begins protest.
Would it solve the problem if Berman started referring to him as Jesus "So This Is What It Feels Like When Doves" Christ?
If well-endowed women work at Hooters, where do one-legged women work?
IHOP.
I'll show myself out.
Women are not for decoration
Tell that to my new Ikea Vaginuus lamp.
I hope Boomer took a couple of 222s. It's going to be a long day.
You're with me, God Squad.
Will there be cake and punch?
@Lady Andrea: I call shenanigans. You grew up in Iowa and attend Notre Dame. Where did you meet black people?
Jesus H Christ private Pyle! Why do you have a jelly donut in your foot locker!
@ArmansCopyOfSwank: That's afterwards in the fellowship hall.
@Phony Gwynn: How do you turn on your new Ikea Vaginuus lamp, Phony Gwynn?
/twirls vaudevillian cane
My black friend, Alan, hates it when I say "jesus christ."
Given the history of lynchings in this country by so-called "Christians," I'm going to simply say "Shut the fuck up" to the CDC.
Say what you will about their overreacting, but their God Shamgod: God or Sham God seminar was pretty eye-opening.
If nobody would move while Berman is speaking he wouldn't have to blaspheme the Lord.
What about "Christ on a bike"?
...or "Christ on a cracker"?
If anybody goes to the protest please ask 'the organizers what the "H." stands for as I have always wondered.
Thanks.
@Dead Wrestlers Society:
I'd go along too, with my trident.
This is worse than the time those fundamentalists protested at Stuart Scott's funeral.
I heard they're also protesting "Jesus 'Passion of The' Christ" as a Bermanism.
P.S. folks, once President Huckabee takes office these people will be in charge of our foreign policy...
@Tuffy: hey, I have quite a few black friends. Also hispanic and asian. I'm very diverse. And they make great examples to trot out when I'm accused of being a racist.
@Tuffy: There's a little round button near the top. The more you press it, the brighter it gets.
/tips top hat
In an effort to make ammends, ESPN has invited Jesus Christ to attend ESPN: The Weekend.
No word yet on whether or not he's going to show.
The perfect scenario in which to root for the meteor.
Best sign at the rally:
"Berman will go...all...the...way...to...hell!"
Also:
Chris Berman "Hell"
@VTBen: beat me to it. totally true. goddamnit.
Yes, yes, yes, dude, dude, yikes.
@Weed Against Speed: *amends.
Me not spell so good. Moron.
I'm guessing the CDC doesn't have an afflilate office in Boston?
INVIZIBLE LUV FROM DADDY
Some of my all time greatest naps have occurred during culture and sensitivity training at work.
Peppermint Patty looks none too happy in that picture
@DongerArd: Holy. I learned it in confirmation.
@DongerArd: Herbert.
In my country, men go crazy for you girls in the orange short pants. You with the sign, not so much.
@Doyle McPoyle: +1. Booyah.
I have to say that my work with the Satanic Defense Coalition has yielded amazing results. Hardly anyone says "Satan H. Devil!" or "Mephistophelesdammit!" anymore.
Man!! It's so tough being a White Christian in this country these days. Remember the good old days when you could overtly discriminate against Blacks, Jews, Catholics, etc. Good times.
@Lady Andrea: In other words, you are many people's white friend.
@Phony Gwynn: And to think mine still has the Clapper! HEY!
@UkraineNotWeak:
Feel free to continue to mock the Pakis, dot-heads, rag-heads, and sand niggers. And the American Indian. Go Braves, Tribe, and 'Skins!
@Afino: PETA believes owls shouldn't be forced to cook chicken wings, or something.
By the way, what's with the pouches on the Hooters girls? Is that where they carry their young while on duty?
@Tuffy: I am happy to fill the role of Token White Female.
@Lady Andrea:
I see you left out the People of the Matzoh. ;)
And to stoke this fire, I'm going to break out my pictures of Brian Kenny blowing John Buccigross dressed up as the Virgin Mary.
@Tuffy: it's for the mace.
@Lady Andrea: The Rutgers women's basketball team just might have a scholarship for you.
It is the goal of the Christian Defense Coalition to help ESPN realize the negative use of "Jesus Christ" and "Goddamn" in the workplace is as offense and hateful as using the term "nigger" in the workplace.
Hey at least the CDC is trying to solve that minority retention problem at ESPN also.
@UkraineNotWeak: @Slothrop: There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless.
/Gunny Hartman'd