Felix Pie's Minor Surgery, No Big Deal, Nothing To See Here

The sad saga of Felix Pie took a new twist yesterday, and we're sorry we just used that punnish metaphor and actually have doubled over in our chair and are fighting off dry heaves.

Looks like "manually" repositioning Pie's twisted testicle didn't work, so yesterday he officially had his testicle recalibrating surgery. We don't know if that's what they officially call it, but they probably should.

He was scheduled to have the corrective surgery on the Cubs off-day next Monday, but when Pie reported to camp with soreness Monday, the Cubs decided to get the procedure done today.

The surgery involves sewing the outer layer of the testicle to the scrotum wall. The Cubs said it was a minor procedure, and if the problem was not corrected soon, Pie would risk losing the testicle.

Perhaps someone out there has had this surgery and can therefore explain how having a twisted-around testicle is somehow worse than sewing it to the wall of the scrotum.

It's going to be difficult to cheer for a Cub, but after Pie has gone through this, we're almost tempted. The best part about it is that all other, more usual injuries will seem like nothing to Pie. Torn rotator cuff? Please! Just a minor flesh wound!

Pie Out 3-5 Days [Chicago Tribune]
Felix Pie Out With A YEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW [Deadspin]