Did you see the way that chair was looking at him? It was asking for it!

It's Opening Day: Time to put your career at risk but cutting out of work early.

Dear Yankees,

Suck on this.

+ Watch video

Now to get drunk.

Opening Day is that great time of the year when a few teams still have a legitimate chance at getting to the World Series.

It stops humping the chair or it gets the hose.

"This chair be rocking, don't come a knocking"

Isn't that more of a fleshbot clip?

I mean, from what I've heard...

INVIZIBIL RAYS SEASON TICKET HOLDER

See, this is why they cast the Devil out of their names.

This rain delay at Yankee Stadium is a sign from the Gods that they're pissed about the new stadium.

I say this every year, but its too f___ing early for baseball.
/dick joke

@VTBen: Or even a sign that you shouldnt have northeast teams without domes open at home IN MARCH!!!! Not only is it raining in NY, it is cold as well.

I bet his couch at home is covered in plastic

@VTBen:

Did you know that it's the final season at Yankee Stadium?

I don't think ESPN will shove it down our throats enough.

F*CK YO' COUCH! F*CK! YO! COUCH!

/Rick James

@VTBen: New stadium? Nah, God just hates the Yankees again.

He's trying to hump the devil right back into the team's name.

Piniella used to do that to the rookie relievers when they gave up a home run.

Kids, don't try this at home. He is a professional.

Its going to be cold tonight, but who cares?
/does tomahawk chop

@Matt_T: Amen.

That's actually position 118 in the "Masturbator's Kama Sutra".

I'm ready for opening day. I've got my noose made out of Homer Hankies ready.

NFL mock drafts are so much more now than opening day.

@Gourmet Spud: Maybe he just needs some Preparation H Anti-Itch Cream.

2 run single by Renteria. Welcome to the D my friend

Is it Wednesday already?

@tomsearlyexit: I hate the tigers

Anybody know if Comcast is doing the free Extra Innings preview again this year?

He better be careful - others have been charged for humping that chair's cousin.

[www.kalb.com]

@MiggytheTiggy:

and so, the Royals will be looking up at the Tigers from now until next opening day

Oh boy, opening day! That means there's just:

40 games until the Astros break my spirit
80 games until I've left them for dead
100 games until I give them one last hope, and
120 games until I buy enough gas to burn down the Juice Box

Go Stros!

@OchentaYcinco: Available to all customers free through March 6, as per the website

[www.indemand.com]

@OchentaYcinco: Yes they are.

@crazyjoedavola: @MeSoHornsby: Fantastic. Well, I guess I 'll be falling even further behind in my work today.

The chair just needs to lay back and enjoy it.

When you're already out of the playoffs before April 1st, you might as well find something to keep you entertained.

Actually, the Meche/Verlander matchup is quite the pitcher's duel so far.

Ever pinch your finger in one of those folding chairs? I have, and he needs to be careful is all I'm sayin'.

So much for the Deadspin season PREview of the Texas Rangers. On thr bright side, no need to include the hope/optimism section.

@mnTwins07: didnt you guys used to have a golden glove center fielder?

@Storming the Floor: and by duel you mean base runners in every inning for Detroit and a 1 hitter by JV

@mnTwins07: Believe us, the feeling has been completely mutual.

@MiggytheTiggy: Actually, I'm already completely nerding out on fantasy baseball. Since I have both pitchers in my starting lineup, I'm just pleased to still see a low ERA from both, though I completely expect Verlander to win.

An RBI for Sheff without taking the bat off his shoulder. Thats why he gets paid the big bucks...

@Storming the Floor: yeah Meche just walked in a run. not looking good for your stats today

MOVE THE FENCES IN!!!!
/hate the move the fences in argument...

Stupid rain, what am I supposed to do now ?

/Bangs chair

MIGGY!

@Kim_Jong_Illin: Did I miss it, or was there no preview of our beloved Cardinals either?

By the way... 2:00 p.m. in St Louis and it's not raining... at the moment. They'll be dodging raindrops to get the opener in today.

I'm off to Turner Field in a few...time to see if Glavine will be booed or hailed as a returning Met-killer.

@DeepFriar: It's never too early for baseball...