Deadspin
You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is.
Anyway, Penn State guard Stanley Pringle was charged yesterday for getting his Mike Cooper on.
Police said Pringle, the team's point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating. Police have filed charges of public lewdness and disorderly conduct against him in connection to the incident, but Centre County District Judge Jonathan Grine, who is out of the office, was unable to sign the criminal complaint as of 2 p.m. today. Without the signed complaint, Pringle cannot be formally arrested.
For the record, Penn State is denying the charges.
So, did this:
exhaust every possible library masturbation joke you could come up with? Let's find out.
Basketball Player To Be Charged In Library Masturbation [Daily Collegian]
Deadspin Hall Of Fame: Carl Monday [Deadspin]
(By the way, it's just great to see that video again. We miss it sometimes.)
Comments
Stanley Pringle: once he pops, he can't stop.
In a related story, Penn State has changed their offense from the high post to the five knuckle shuffle.
This story rubs me the wrong way.
He just noticed her hair was looking a bit flat and wanted to help her out.
You know what really grinds my gears...when it's against the law to fire off some knuckle children in a library when you are talking to a lady.
The decimal system just got a little more dewey.
As a library peon, let me just say now how thankful I am that I DON'T work at Penn State.
I hate having to do research in a library that is cluttered with other peoples' junk.
Michigan had better get on the bandwagon with library jacking off. Ohio State and Penn State are leading the Big Ten at the moment, and they can't have that.
Penn State athletes in the library...April Fool's ended already...
Could you imagine if this was a football player? I would not want to know what JoPa would make Pringle clean up...
He must've been thinking about the victims "happy valley".
Let's go to Asian reporter Trisha Takinawa with her slant on the story. . .
Wait a second, I heard this guy supports Barrack Obama! No way can I vote for him now between this and the minister.
You had me at "Stanley Pringle."
These Pringles are way too salty...
I'm really surprised at this story as this guy can't jack a three to save his life.
Sometimes you've gotta let those hard to reach chips go...
One Shining Moment.
ONIONS!!!!
Shouldn't they also charge him with littering?
@tater: Knuckle children. That's unbelievable. I love it.
Stanley Pringle's out, Jerry!
He's just practicing to make the switch to shooting guard.
This article is a f---ing lie! He is the team's shooting guard, Battle is the point guard.
Come on, he was just highlighting some pages.
I guess he was trying to 'Supaman that hooooo!'
Ah, the good old Pattee Stacks, a place less safe for PSU women than any bar or frat house on or near campus.
Caught in the act.
He couldn't help himself. He was overcome with the fever for the flavor of a Pringle.
Any word as to whether Pringle's dad is a combat vet?
@Magnakai Haaskivi: Michigan does have the early lead on beating off outside co-ed's home windows, however.
[media.www.dailycollegian.com]
Clean up on Aisle 9!
Are you sure this isn't part of Cheetos' new sleazy cheetah ad campaign?
I'm guessing this is not what the coaches had in mind when they told him he needed to show more explosiveness.
This must be a real chip on Carl Monday's shoulder.
If you can't beat your interconference rivals, you can always beat your meat.
/ducks hook
I'm guessing if you check the unofficial stat book, he led the team in palming violations.
Poor guy was just re-enacting his favourite scenes from "Lady Chatterley's Lover", is all. If this sort of literacy promotion is wrong, I don't want to be right.
DIPSY-DOO, SPUNK-A-ROO, BABY!!
I want t-shirts made.
Deadspin: The Worldwide Leader in Library Masturbation Coverage
I still love the story a woman told me about coming home one night and finding a guy punching the clown in her bushes.
He then proceded to wave with his free hand and tell her "Good Evening..."
Pringle just has pure, natural athletic ability to do this.
It was all ball, ref! No harm, no foul!
Does this make him eligible for the Wooden Award?
This isn't what coaches meant when they told him he needed to start creating more shots.
Whats the big deal? I mean who hasn't jacked off in a library?
what's
She was asking for it. Did you see the book she was reading?
You cant balme the guy. What else is a college athlete supposed to do inside a library.
From my experience I didnt think college athletes would be allowed in the library in the first place due to how loud they constantly are.
I'm just curious as to the whole sequence of events. Did he try to start a conversation with her and begin masturbating simultaneously? Or did he try to start a conversation, was rejected, and then figured "Eh, maybe I'll beat the bishop"?
Because, really, if it's the latter, it was very gentlemanly of him to accept her refusal.
Was it in the Self-Help Book section of the library?
Carl Monday smells a Peabody!
So, between this, the above referenced Michigan incident, and the Carl Monday fiansco, the Big eleven can finally prove they're better than the SEC in something.
If I had been working at the Library, I wouldn't have called the cops. A quick blast with the fire extinguisher works wonders on an inflamed groin.
I will only forgive Pringle if his dad is a veteran
@ghostsoftheSCupcountry: And yes, that's previous experience at work talking. 15 year old rednecks are hornier than any d-1 jock any day.
Pringle comes out in the MAN ON MAN
Pringles dont make your hands all greasy like regular lays.
There could be a perfectly logical explanation for this. PSU has a well known major for Poultry Science and Pringle was just tutoring the girl on how to properly choke the chicken.
/Sorta-serious
The hand is part of the ball - no foul. Referee should swallow the whistle on this one.
Pringle thought his professor suggested obtaining Spunk & White at the library.
He tried to take it to the hole, but had to settle for the in flagrante foul.
Usually refs let him get away with palming the ball(s).
Oddly, he was not the only PSU affiliated athlete arrested on masturbation charges yesterday. Former safety spencer ridenhour-[www.masslive.com]
@Jews For Purple Jesus:
PSU also runs it's own dairy.
He was churning his own ice cream.
I just hope hockey players are more cautious now when they drink from Stanley's cup.
/bukkake
"It's my belief that Stanley Pringle's original intention was to fondle his balls. But the day he was supposed to study, a hot girl showed up. And Pringle was a laid-back dude, so he said, 'F*** it, rub one out.' "
/Hedberg'd
Perhaps "Flat Stanley" was on his class reading list and he took offense.
@UkraineNotWeak: Maybe I should stay away from the Peachy Paterno for a while.