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ESPN's Masters Coverage has mostly enjoyable today, with Scott Van Pelt seemingly right at home covering all the yawwwwn thrilling action and excitement down at Augusta. It's safe to say that if Tiger's not in contention during the final round, the whole wall-to-wall coverage is a colossal failure.
Last night, ESPN featured a little segment about a woman named, Jennifer Brown from Berkeley, who deduced through a series of smart-person algorithms and formulas that every single tournament Tiger Woods enters, the field plays one stroke over their course average. When he's on fire, they play two strokes over. Slate dove into this heady little theory last January. Yes, Tiger is so good, his mere presence makes other people screw up.
At the end of day one , Tiger is at even par, and the leaders are Justin Rose and some guy named Trevor Immelman. Woods is, as every single media outlet reporting this event says time and time again, "lurking."
ESPN Masters Coverage [ESPN]
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If anyone hasn't seen this, today, it's one of FJM's finer pieces of work: [www.firejoemorgan.com]
Woods is, as every single media outlet reporting this event says time and time again, "lurking."
Typical. If he was white, they'd be saying he was "awkwardly but tenaciously running up behind."
Yeah, ignore that video. I'm an idiot.
ESPN's Masters Coverage has mostly enjoyable today
It also CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER.
"Fer Shizzle! I've always wanted to say that"
INVISIBUL JEDI KNIGHT FIGHT!
So once Tiger catches the leaders, lemme guess, he will have "pounced". You savvy bastards.
ESPN's Masters Coverage has mostly enjoyable today
It also CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER.
It's the most coverage ever.
@Lo_JackedNo.7: But if he is holding a small lead over the competition with one hole to go, they'll say he's not out of the "Woods" yet.
OK, analogy time. If you watched the North Carolina/Kansas semifinal on Saturday night, do you remember how bad that was?
This BC/North Dakota game is worse. 6-0 Eagles after two.
Good evening all.
So is the broken English a subtle jab at Tiger's Asian heritage? Or have I been watching Fistfull of Yen too much?
It was a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude!
@Yostal: i really wanted nodak to lose...but now i'm terrified.
dammit, wings are at intermission too.
@Brazil Thrill-Gasm: He's already almost deforested. He's turning more Asian by the day. In fact, when he dies, he'll look like Hirohito.
@Yostal: Is North Dakota playing the rare "no goalie" formation?
@Brazil Thrill-Gasm: Conversely, if Tiger is destroying the field, he's "mauling" them or in StuScott speak, "straight maulin' them fools."
Not that anyone is watching, but Shane Hindy of the Bruins is missing an eyebrow. Not both of them. He still has his other one in full growth. Is this some sort of cruel playoff initiation? Wouldn't one just shave the other one off not to look so foolish? These questions must be answered!
@procras: If I was playing NHL 2008 with my friends right now, I'd punch for taking advantage of a glitch that lets him score at will.
Of course, if this simply means BC loses in the final again, it will all be worth it.
Nuggs-Warriors is about to start on TNT. This should be a good one.
@Lo_JackedNo.7: Or the announcer will say that the only chance the other players have of beating him is to "take him out to the barn and lynch him." Wait, that may not work.
Ah, it just sounds right to hear Gary Thorne call a hockey game.
@Detective Bunk: I don't know. To touch-up the joke I made earlier with regard to Jean-Phillipe Lamoureux, the Sioux goalie:
There hasn't been a JPL meltdown this bad since the Mars Climate Orbiter.
@josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance...: We're almost getting to the point where he makes his caddy hit an oversized gong every time the ball falls in.
@Yostal: And the scramble for Wikipedia begins in earnest. (I assume this was the one with the meters/feet issue, correct?)
Wow, that was a man's block by Camby there.
@Detective Bunk: Yes it was. I should have just said "the Mars missions" but I had to go for extra degree of difficulty.
@Brazil Thrill-Gasm: And yet how much you wanna bet someone says something pretty damn similar.
Damn, I wish I could catch that Nuggs/Warriors tilt. Still at work.
As a general reminder, with the NBC Thursday night comedies returning tonight, please, no spoilers for our West Coast and DVR friends.
@Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay: amen. damn nice of espn to let him call a whole three of them this year. when's he gonna make his move to the vs.?
@Le Légende de Vincent Tremblay: Keep him... Please.
@Lo_JackedNo.7: The pace has been absolutely frenetic so far, but it's been more of a sloppy game than a score-fest. It should get better once both teams settle down a bit.
And the game just suddenly switched to the Spanish broadcast. Awesome.
@procras: When the versus gets the baseball?
@procras: As soon as ESPN convinces him that he's not a good baseball announcer.
And completely out of nowhere, Ricki Lake has really aged well
I would like to thank BC for making this such a blow out that I was able to switch over to catch 30 Rock before the Michigan game starts. Woo hoo!
@Yostal: Must be nice. I've got the damn Wings to contend with too.
@Al Czerviks Ride to Denver via Albany: I'm just tracking that on Gametracker. Between that, I also need to see the Tigers, which we're down 3-2 I see. Oy and vey.
@Hank Scorpio-Steinbrenner:
Geovanny Soto just found his swing of extraordinary magnitude!
@Detective Bunk: @Yostal: Re: JPL:
As a kid of the space program (grandpa worked at the Cape for Apollo, dad for shuttle, ISS, and maybe more), I've heard more than a few tales of NASA woe. Best one is that my fifth-grade math teacher's daughter, who was maybe 12 at the time the Climate Orbiter was up and beeping, caught the metric error; her dad was a space guy of some sort.
When 12-year-olds do better math than you do, you know it's NASA.
@Yostal: Its 4-2 Sawx now, and with the Wings lets just say if the Titans could tackle like this, they would have a Super Bowl ring
Preds score, 1-1
Shit
Blargh! Nashville scored! Blargh!
Deflection by Jordin Tootoo. Hamil-- Nashville ties it at 1-1.
I've taken lesson's from Trevor Immelman's brother Mark who is super-nice and a good swing coach.
Also, the South African accent is very cool.
Baron Davis + Nellie Ball + Denver Defense = 37 First Quarter Points
Amazing.
@Brazil Thrill-Gasm: I'm keeping up on nba.com. Nuggs down 15 after one...jesus. And defense isn't even an after-thought tonight.
@Brazil Thrill-Gasm: 37 points for Golden State, not B-Diddy.
@Brazil Thrill-Gasm: Denver Defense, you're HILARIOUS.
Fuck you Bono
Evening Duan.
I know it's supposed to be a humorous site and maybe not so serious, but I was a little disappointed (to say the least) by the comments in the Le Batard thread today...
@Lo_JackedNo.7: Yeah, this is like an And-1 Mix Tape game in terms of defense.
@I Party With Hansen: You agree with LeBatard?