Deadspin
The best story from yesterday's five rounds of the NFL Draft has to be that of Demetrius Bell, an offensive lineman out of Northwestern State drafted by the Buffalo Bills. He's the son of former Mexican-girl-chasing NBA superstar Karl Malone. Not that either Malone or Bell is particularly happy about it.
Bell had never tried to make contact with Malone until he was 18. Malone was not particularly ecstatic to meet his prodigal son.
At the time, Malone told Bell that, "It was too late for him to be his father and that Bell would 'earn his money on his own,"' the NFL notes said. Malone could not be reached for comment. As for Bell, he's happy to have made it this far on his own.
"Nothing against him, but I feel good at this time. If he would've been there, yeah, it would've been good. But if not, it's even better," said Bell, also the half brother of WNBA Detroit Shock forward Cheryl Ford. "Everything's a plus right now."
Bell, incidentally, was also on the Northwestern State basketball team that beat Iowa in the NCAA Tournament a couple of years ago.
Poor Karl Malone. You just try to ignore yet another kid who claims he's your dad, and the kid has the nerve to get draft by the NFL and actually include your parenting in his player notes. The hassle of being a professional athlete never ends.
Bell Drafted By Bills; Puts Father Karl Malone Behind Him [Canadian Press]
Comments
The Mailman doesn't watch his children get drafted on Sundays.
Phil Collins approves of this post.
Karl Malone fatherhood pyramid < Deadspin comedy pyramid
Dad?
...no, really: Dad?
Carl from ATHF > Karl Malone
Story by the Canadian Press.
Can we just move all Bills games to Toronto and get it over with?
Karl Malone's career summed up in one sentence: rebound, fling, and sometimes both at the same time.
Oh, and this has nothing on browsing through Rivals Basketball last week and seeing that there's a Shawn Kemp Jr. on the list.
The Postman Always Rings Twice... kid's last name is Bell... argh Monday brain STEP IT UP!
Elsewhere, a kid claiming to be the son of Karl Malone as played by Jimmy Kimmel made a joke that no one laughed at.
Thread won by the first post.
Malone's banging in that pic. Obviously it was taken in the regular season.
Steve Garvey is interested in Karl Malone's ideas and would like to inquire about a subscription to his newsletter.
If he would've been there, yeah, it would've been good.
Not to get all grammar nazi, but it kills me when I see the if-then clause butchered lie this. Though considering who his father is, poor grammar was probably hereditary.
In ten years Roger Clemens is going to try to steal this story and make it his own.
That sounds like one Hot Karl.
what?
John Stockton does not approve
@spinachdip: *like - fucking sticky "k" key making me look like a fuckhead.
"...and that Bell would 'earn his money on his own,"
That's a solid statement but John Stockton fed him that line in a spot where anybody could have made it.
My Daddy touched my butthole. That's why I'm on your penny.
-Abe Lincoln
Karl Malone is too white to be this kid's father anyway.
Also, Dis Here Karl Malone was one of the funniest things on the Man Show.
Larry Bird agrees with Karl.
Although Birds daughter looked like Larry with a wig on
@BigJimSlade:
Lt. Winslow > Lt. Carl Winslow > Hot Karl
@BigJimSlade: No, he is heartless, treating his son like that. Definitely a Cold Karl.
Rumor has it John Stockton set Malone up with Bell's mother, adding another tally to his career assist total.
@Afino: Lt. Dan > Lt. Winslow > Lt. Carl Winslow > Hot Karl
The DNA evidence linking him to Malone will inconclusive until the Bills' next SuperBowl when Bell will get Ole'd by a defender late in the 4th quarter.
@Jefferson Short Bus: you forgot "throw elbow" and "miss free throw," but pretty close.
@Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies: Lt. Uhura > Lt. Dan > Lt. Winslow > Lt. Carl Winslow > Hot Karl
Give him a break. At least he knows all his kid's names.
-Travis Henry
@Jefferson Short Bus: LtD > LT > Lt. Uhura > Lt. Dan > Lt. Winslow > Lt. Carl Winslow > Hot Karl
@Secret Identity:
kids'
@BigJimSlade:LdT > LT > Lt. Uhura > Lt. Dan > Lt. Winslow > Lt. Carl Winslow > Hot Karl
LdT... LdT... Mo-ron
Google-fu
[www.nsudemons.com]
[www.duncans.tv]
"Mailman", Shmailman. I take care of my kids!
@BigJimSlade: Warm Karl > Hot Karl > Cold Karl
It'd be sweet if Malone took him across the country in one of his big rigs and taught him about life through the use of arm wrestling metaphors.
...And the cat's in the cradle, and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon...
I knew something was wrong when Warren Jeffs was added to the Jazz coaching staff.
Carl's Jr? (Home of the Six Dollar Burger)
I would have thought he'd follow his dad into pro wrestling.
You just try to ignore yet another kid who claims he's your dad
Well, when kids younger than me claim they're my dad, I don't ever ignore them. I laugh at them, then ask if they have anymore weed/mushrooms/whippets.
@BigJimSlade:
Pretty sure Lt. Winslow would not enjoy being 5th on that list.
@Phony Gwynn: Hey, it happens...didn't you see Back to the Future II?
GOB Bluth is offended at Karl Malone's parenting.
@Afino: the first of many
Couldn't have done it without my Rogaine.
Did Karl give his son a knee to the crotch when he met him too?
aren't we all Karl Malone's kids anyway?
Thats a damn thing
I hate you, Will. So much.
@ArkansasFred: that joke is quite over the top.
i'll show myself out
@being_sven: Carl's Jr.
Fuck You, I'm Eating
I'm trying to think of a Diamond Dallas Page joke, but I got nothing.
I'm with Lady Andrea. You rally have to beat that dead horse (NW St. game?)
The ONLY good thing about that game was that it was on St. Patrick's Day so that I looked like every other crying, drunk idiot out on the streets, screaming until my throat bled.
and in other news: In the 2028 NFL Draft half the first round pick are children of Willis McGahee.
@BigJimSlade:
Where does the Winslow Boy fit into this?
/Mamet'd
is this why he's called the Mailman?
At least Art Alexakis's dad had the decent to give his son a name. Karl Malone couldn't even do that much.
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