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Dec 1, 2008 05:30 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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If you're looking for a bedtime story for your children tonight, may we suggest the felony criminal complaint of one Plaxico M. Burress. (It needs the initial, don't you think?) It's very short, but also very compelling and there's a life lesson in there for all of us. Namely, put down the wine before "fidgeting" with your waistband. Our favorite moment: "Informant then heard a 'pop' sound and defendant stated in substance 'Take me to a hospital.'" Am I the only one who wants to see this scene re-enacted with the robots from Wall-E?
Unfortunately, this fairy tale ends with two counts of criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree, which as anyone who has seen the ads on the New York City subway can tell you, is punishable by a minimum of three-and-a-half years in prison. Oh, and Mayor-For-Life Michael Bloomberg is not fucking around on this one.
"I don't think that anybody should be exempt from that," [Bloomberg] added. "And I think it would be an outrage if we don't prosecute to the fullest extent of the law."
"Our children are getting killed with guns on the street," the mayor commented during an unrelated press availability in the Bronx. "Our police officers are getting killed with guns in the hands of criminals."
Did someone say plea bargain? In other news, those of you saving up for a commemorative No. 17 "H. Smith" jersey in Giant blue can forget it. The NFL shop already shut that little playpen down. (Although, really ... would that stop you?) You'll just have settle for an authentic Rae Carruth.
Felony Gun Charges For Plaxico Burress [The Smoking Gun]
Mayor Bloomberg fuming over Plaxico shooting: Throw the book at him [NY Daily News]
Plaxico Going to Prison? Bloomberg's Gun Law Says So [Village Voice]
NFL Shop-Things You Can Customize [Central Maine Sports Blog]
Thanks to commenter joe for the jersey pic.
Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.
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