The New York Jets And The Flaming Lesbian Catfight

Poor Woody Johnson. The Jets' owner has watched recently as his team capitulated, his quarterback underachieved, and his daughter had her hair set on fire by her lesbian girlfriend. Wait, what?

Casey Johnson, whom the New York Post calls "the madcap Band-Aid heiress," got into a "raging catfight" with her ex-girlfriend, Courtenay Semel, at the latter's house. I'm not going to continue because you'll think I'm making it up as I go along. So, on to the Post:

"Casey had a fight one night with her current girlfriend," heavily tattooed Lisa Marie Alvarez, a Los Angeles source, told Page Six. "Casey went to Courtenay's house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized." Casey's mother, Sale Johnson, reportedly flew to LA and consulted with lawyer Robert Shapiro. No one returned calls except Courtenay, whose father Terry Semel ran Yahoo for years. Casey — who isn't speaking to her father, or her aunt, Libet Johnson — is the mother of an adopted girl from Kazakhstan.

So the next time you get in Woody's grill about the offensive line situation, keep in mind that he's got a whole entire other zoo to attend to once he gets home in the evening. You know, it wasn't supposed to be this way. You inherit the Johnson & Johnson fortune, you donate a few thousand bucks to re-elect George W. Bush, you acquire Brett Favre ... and life is supposed to be good. What the Hell happened??

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Woody Johnson's Daughter Sure Knows How To Pick 'Em [Pacman Jonesin']
Ex Sets Casey's Hair On Fire [New York Post]
Casey Johnson And Courtenay Semel Are 'Completely In Love' [New York Magazine]