There are several key storylines that will beaten into the ground by everyone who covers the Super Bowl over the next week. We will beat them down even further.

Ok, this one is more of a blogger obsession than a major media obsession. Why? Because we bottom feeders love scandal, and there is no greater recipe for scandal than rich, anxious athletes facing the most pressure-packed moment of their lives ... and adding naked ladies.

Plus, this year's host city is legendary for the breadth and quality of its gentlemen's clubs. Many, many, many individuals are in town for something other than a chance to win a championship and they need a place to unwind, too. Heck, even if you are nowhere near the greater Tampa-St. Pete area, you can probably find a place that will allow you to watch dancing girls and football simultaneously. Failing that, some dude at your Super Bowl party will probably get drunk enough to take their clothes off and run out into the snow.

The moral of the story is that dancing girls and football go hand-in ... well, not hand. But you get the idea.

STRIPPERS HOPING TO CASH IN AT SUPER BOWL [Pro Football Talk]
Thrown for a Loss: Super Bowl Parties [Time]
Super Bowl Analysis: Which Team is More Likely to Have Someone Get Into Trouble, Arizona Cardinals or Pittsburgh Steelers? [Sports Rubbish]
Who Will Be The Eugene Robinson of Superbowl XLIII? [Total Pro Sports]
IHS Super Bowl XLIII Drinking Game [Icy Hot Senations]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.