• I hope they have good special effects: How will Ashton Kutcher learn to imitate an NFL quarterback for his new movie? Uh oh. [Sports Brethern]

• [Expletive Deleted]: Stan Kasten is very upset about being duped by a fake prospect. If only he got this upset about about the Nationals' record. [Nationals Enquirer]

• It's a good book too: Yep. That is one impressive mustache. [Thighs Wide Shut]

• I never: So wait ... you're saying that Kobe Bryant demands special treatment from referees? That is just stunning behavior that I would not expect from him. [Fack Youk]

• H.R. to the rescue: Who do Seattleites have to thank for the return of Ken Griffey? I'll give you one very hands-on guess. [Hotdog and Friends]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.