Adrian Peterson Will Not Save Your Community College Football Program

This just in: Adrian Peterson is not donating $150,000 to save the North Iowa Area Community College football program, as was reported on Friday. Also, there is no Batman. Sorry everyone.

Turns out the entire thing was a screwup by an NIACC football volunteer coach who is not clear on the concept of "help." Kevin Griffin, who claims that he knows Peterson from their high school days, had told Trojans' head coach Steve LaLonde that Peterson's donation was confirmed. LaLonde announced the windfall, even though Griffin in reality had never talked to Peterson.

"I made a mistake and anything that comes out of this falls on me," said Griffin. "Nothing ever came out of Adrian's mouth. I should have said I'll try to get the money from him and other people. I should have given coach LaLonde more info on that. I'm at fault. I want to apologize to him and the school, to Adrian and the Vikings.

"It was a close confidant in his inner circle," Griffin said. "I haven't spoken to him (Peterson) and don't know if I ever will. It's real bad right now."

School administrators were understandably annoyed. Hey, we're supposed to be in charge of the fundraising around here. We've got soccer teams to run! Today's announcement on the NIACC site:

North Iowa Area Community College is extremely saddened to learn that the much-publicized potential donation to save the football team that was presented to the administration earlier this week was not able to be substantiated. The College continues to mourn its football program, which ended this year due to budget reductions.

If "not able to be substantiated" means "some random dude just pulled the whole thing out of his ass," then yes, this makes sense. Meanwhile, the program's passing has been a bitter pill for the fans to take. From the Globe Gazette message board:

Adrian Peterson has obviously has not been to a NIACC football game. This season I attended 4 home games ,and I have never seen a more undisciplined program in all my life. And I'm not basing that on play selection ,execution,wins/losses or for lack of talent. At one game two players were in the stands during halftime (In Pads and Uniforms) lounging and talking to some female fans. Many times during my 4 games, players chatted with friends in the stands while the game was going on. I also saw players openly excited and clapping after the opposing team intercepted one of NIACCs passes. I was informed before one of the games that 18 players were suspended that game for accademic/discipline reasons. — Tribe

Elsewhere in regret:

• "Sorry I accidentally hooked up your pet cocker spaniel to my Iditarod team. He will be missed." — Musher

• "Sorry for making Obama's problems worse by agreeing with him." — Ozzie Guillen

• "Sorry I'm not on my game. Still not recovered from the restaurant incident." — Gus Johnson

• "Sorry I chewed off that penis. But in my defense, I was being forced to watch War of the Worlds." — Your wife

Oops. No NIACC Bailout [Globe Gazette] Official College Statement [NIACC.org] Iowa College Coach Recants Report That Vikings' Adrian Peterson Would Help Save Program [Pioneer Press]