Bartolo Colon "Found," Still Mourning Michael JacksonS

There's no visual evidence of Bartolo Colon's whereabouts—NASA is working on it—but the White Sox say he will pitch tonight. His "disappearance" was really just an aversion to phones and an inability to cope with MJ's passing.

Ozzie Guillen explained to reporters that Colon is notoriously difficult to track down thanks to a phalanx of cousins and the unreliability of the Dominican phone system. So that explains why no one was really that concerned when he didn't check in with the organization before his scheduled rehab start tonight in Charlotte, North Carolina. But Guillen also had a different theory about Bartolo's radio silence.

"I worry about Colon because Colon was a big-time Michael Jackson fan," Guillen said. "He might [watch] the TV and cry all day long. Maybe he is in L.A. at his funeral, because I can't find him. When he gets to Charlotte, Oney (Guillen's son) will call me to say he's there.

"Nobody knows how big of a Jackson fan Colon was. I'm serious. He might be depressed a little bit."

Look, we all loved "Wanna Be Startin' Something", but don't you think the Gloved One would want you to get on with your life? Ok, he'd probably want you to put on a funny hat and go to a roller coaster park or something, but let's try to keep things professional.

Bartolo Colon still slated to start minor-league rehab Thursday night [Chicago Tribune]