Report: Unnamed Amorous Ballplayer Plays For Team That Appropriately Doesn't Know How To Score

Onetime declared virgin Jeff Pearlman knows which baseball player was cold mackin' on an intern in Houston recently, but he's not telling. All he'll say is that the ballplayer was — are you ready for this? — a Washington National.

Yesterday, we brought you the story of an amorous married ballplayer who gave his digits to an unnamed female intern from a media outlet. This was all a very serious business, according to the Houston Chronicle's very serious Jose de Jesus Ortiz, because, as you know, married athletes who hand out their phone numbers to single ladies inevitably wind up with two bullets in their head. (Seriously. That's what he was implying. The headline: "McNair's death not a lesson to one idiot." Which is simply insane.)

Pearlman took his Rolodex for a spin and got a baseball source to spill. He writes:

Jesus was classy enough not to "out" the intern or the ballplayer-and I'll follow his lead. But, as with many things in life, there is a disconcerting aftermath. According to a baseball source, the ballplayer was a member of the Washington Nationals. Furthermore, because of the incident, the Nationals are now considering a permanent, all-encompassing ban of interns from the team's clubhouse.

Well, that last bit will never happen; if it did, among other things, MLB.com would never file another story from Nationals Park. And so, awesomely, the hapless Nationals once again find themselves at the heart of something stupid in baseball. They can't do anything right. Spell. Pitch. Hit. Score. Score runs. These are men who, as the saying goes, could fuck up a wet dream.

Photoshop by Moe Sussman

Foolish intern, meet slime ballplayer [JeffPearlman.com]
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