Steve Spurrier Apologizes For Not Genuflecting To The Tebow

SEC coaches and journalists spent maybe six hours of the conference's three-day media tugjob fretting over the vicious bastard who didn't pick Tim Tebow as No. 1 Super QB of the year. All because Steve Spurrier can't read.

After days and days of guessing, it turns out that Spurrier was jerk coach who didn't vote Tebow to be All-SEC First Team quarterback. Of all the ...! Thank goodness, it was all simple misunderstanding. You see, Spurrier didn't even fill out his own ballot. The director of football operations filled out the ballot and then Big Steve signed it without even looking.

You know what this means, right? The legendary integrity of preseason awards balloting has been compromised forever. Not voting for Tim Tebow is the moral equivalent of slapping an orphan in the face with a drowned kitten (even though no one anywhere has ever given a shit about the preseason All-SEC awards.) So naturally, Spurrier had to stumble through a pathetic rambling thumbsucking apology. He owed it not just to Tebow, but to all the little Tebow-Manicas out there who were crying into their Tebow Flakes because their hero was insulted — humiliated! — by his non-unanimous receiving of an honor so important that the people charged with determining the winner can't even be bothered to write names on a piece of paper. I am so happy that this travesty of justice has been rectified.

Now that he has his 11th crucial vote, Tebow can finally "get married."

Spurrier confesses he didn't vote Tebow All-SEC [Atlanta Journal Constitution]