Have you heard?! Michael Vick and Tony Dungy are in Buffalo right now signing an eighteen-year deal worth $4 billion. Or maybe he's not in New York State at all? Maybe you're the one who's like....trapped in Buffalo, man!
Twitter is aflame with rumors of an impending deal between the disgraced quarterback and the semi-disgraced team. He's been seen at the airport! He's at a hospital in Rochester! He's at One Bills Drive! He's in the back seat of your car! RadarOnline, that treasure trove NFL insider news has confirmed it .... EXCLUSIVE. Why won't you listen to me?
Is it because the Bills have said six times today that they are not interested in signing Vick? Or because there is no evidence that Vick is anywhere near any stop on the Erie Canal? Maybe you're just a puppet for The Man, because I get my news from the internet. Specifically, Rich Eisen.
That is crazy! Who would even hint at such a thing!
Oh. Right. (P.S. This is exactly the kind of thing ESPN's much-aligned "social media policy" is intended to avoid. This is why broadcasters can't have nice things.)