The NCAA has thrown the book at Southeast Missouri State basketball, vacating all their men's basketball wins from 2006-2008 because an assistant gave impermissible benefits to a player—by giving him a lift home to see his newborn baby.

Oh, it gets much more evil. Another basketball player received money to cover his unpaid "institutional fees." How much money? $239 dollars. Coaches also committed the crime of "observation of out-of-season pick-up games" and offseason weightlifting. That's three years probation for you. Oh, and coach Scott Edgar—who has already been fired—was given a "show-cause" penalty that pretty much means he can't work for the next three years, because he is obviously a menace.

The women's basketball team got it too, because a booster paid the tuition of a former player. A player who had used up all her eligibility, but was one semester away from finishing her degree and couldn't get financial aid. Student-athletes: Good. Students?: Fuck them.

Thank goodness Southeast Missouri State is being put its place. I feel safer already.

NCAA infractions committee announces Southeast Missouri State University athletic violations [Southeast Missourian]
Buzz: NCAA Sticks It to SEMO [Rush The Court]

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.