St. John's Also Excited About Ambiguous Weather-Based Mascot

Our college sports teams are rocketing into the 21st Century on a wave of aggressive, overcaffeinated, lightning-themed spirit creatures. Why is that bird looking at me like that? Is he smiling or mad? Get out of my soul, winged devil!

This foam-feathered creature was actually the "winner" of an insane contest of wills and he shall now represent all Red Storm teams, if they do in fact exist. He is both playful and hostile, supportive and vengeful. He is angry, loud, and has access to a time machine. Most importantly he is not racist!

He also doesn't have a name, but there will be a second contest for students to vote him one. The choices:

• "Johnny" • "Bolt" • "Spirit" • "Stormy" • "Surge"

Whatever he is eventually dubbed, it sadly won't matter because at the unveiling ceremony last week, he was stabbed in the heart by a bitter fencing student.

"Johnny Spirit Surge" will be missed.

The Bird Is The Word! St. John's Rolls Out New Thunderbird Mascot [Red Storm Sports]

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Well, I gotta go. Joe Buck Live is on tonight, so I should really get a nap in before the semen jokes start flying. (Pun very intended!) Barry P. will hold your hand through this evening's crisis. Thank you for continued support of Deadspin. You're all a Captain Kirk to me.