The Metrodome Wins The WeekendS

In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, which won the weekend by living past the weekend. Hefty bags forever!

Three games down with four to play? No one has ever come back from that. It's impossible, really. I mean, it would take a pretty pathetic baseball squad to choke away a lead that big! I'm not sure if any team that terrible exists.

Oh, wait. They very much do. All the Twins had to do was win four games in a row, beat the (probable) AL Cy Young Award winner and then hope the Tigers lost two of three to the White Sox at home. Actually, the way Detroit has been playing the only miracle is that the Twins haven't already clinched the division. Instead, they get one more big game at their dying stadium—a place that has been very friendly for them in the past, especially in against the Tigers. (7-2 this year and I'm already having nightmares of Juan Berenguer.)

And of course, Brett Favre is involved! Thanks to Monday night's brainsmasher against the Packers, the Twins will get an extra day of rest, the Tigers get an extra day to contemplate the futility of the universe, and the Dome's life as a multi-purpose stadium gets a dramatic two-day retirement party. It's good to be in Minnesota, I guess. Especially if you enjoy murdering the last hope and dream of a dying American city.

Hope you're happy, you heartless cretins.

Power, confidence evident in rout of Royals [Star-Tribune]
Twins gladly invite Tigers to the 'Dome [Dan Wetzel]
Mitch Albom: Justin Verlander saves the day — for another day [Free Press]
Ode to Dan Barreiro [Bugs and Cranks]

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Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Brandon Marshall: Hey, remember when this guy was a clubhouse cancer? Now he and idiot-child Josh McDaniels are BFF and the freakin' Broncos are 4-0. Marshall's dramatic 51-yard touchdown killed America's (Most Hated) Team and made us all warm and fuzzy. Trade demand? What trade demand? [Boston Herald]

Jay Cutler: Hey, remember when this guy was a clubhouse cancer? Since his horrifying opening game, Cutler has thrown 7 touchdowns and just one pick and the Bears are looking good at 3-1. And he's now being compared to John Elway, which probably just blew your mind all over the back of your chair. [Chicago Tribune/Denver Post]

People Who Hate Fun: Georgia wide receiver A.J. Green made a ridiculous, life-defining touchdown catch to give his team a one-point lead in the final minute of a crucial conference game against a hated rival—and then got penalized 15 yards for drawing attention to himself. The field position helped LSU rally for the win and we all learned a valuable lesson about never enjoying sports. Ever. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Alexis Thompson: The 14-year-old held the 36-hole lead at the Navistar LPGA Classic and even though she eventually finished the tourney in 27th place, has got to have folks wondering how quickly they can unload their Michelle Wie bobbleheads. (She finished tied for second, as if anyone gave a crap.) [American Chronicle]

Non-Selective Agriculture Schools: I guess Rich Rodriguez's crew could have used a couple more illegal practices. [Michigan Daily]