These Athletes Are Going To Hell

A fundamentalist Baptist church is making headlines for their upcoming book/album burning, but their website reveals a hidden treasure: the Index Of Ungodly Athletes.

The Amazing Grace Baptist Church, in western North Carolina, has a doozy of a website that singles out the worst offenders in "Follywood," on "Devilvision," and, yes, the sports world. The usual suspects are represented, like Mike Tyson, Michael Vick and "Peter" Rose. But there are some surprising inclusions (all sic'ed).

Marko Jaric: Engaged to the Victoria's Secret supermodel (porn magazing) Adriana Lima.

Richard Petty: As a public figure Richard Petty makes it clear that the two most important things in his life are his family and his fans. "I don't particularly tell my guys to cheat. I just tell them not to get caught." Richard Petty's god is racing, not God Almighty. He teaches that is okay in life to cheat just don't get caught doing it. Is Richard Petty your idol?

Joakim Noah: Has long hair, which is disobedient to the Word of God.

Adam Archuleta: Engaged to a Playboy Playmate Jennifer Walcott. They have one son. This is called fornication, and we all know what their son is called, the same thing the Bible calls him.

Matt Leinart: Matt is telling your people all over this world that it okay to drink, be immodest, and to be in an sexual situation with more than one girl. He is teaching teenagers not to save themselves for their spouse, but to live it up because you only live life once. Is Matt your idol?

Torrie Wilson: Committed an abomination by kissing a female wrester "Sable" on the lips.

Tom Brady: Tom Brady has an unwed child, but it's okay because he wins Super Bowls....Tom Brady is teaching us to have sex outside of marriage, to commit fornication, don't marry and do the right thing, don't take responsibility for your actions, have a good time no matter who you hurt in this world, go from sex partner to sex partner, and it's okay because of who I am. How many of you dad's cheer on Tom in the Super Bowl while your kids are watching?

Noticeably absent: Miroslav Satan.

Index Of Ungodly Athletes [Amazing Grace Baptist Church]
North Carolina Church To Burn ‘Satan's Books,' Including Works Of Mother Teresa [The Raw Story]

Send an email to Barry Petchesky, the author of this post, at barryp@deadspin.com.

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