A Breakdown Of Feigned Rivalry

It's been two whole news cycles since we found out the World Series matchup. Time for every paper in each city to take childish potshots at the other side.

It happens four times a year. The papers in the two cities facing off for the championship in any sport will, without fail, run a column bashing their counterpart. It's often about food, or landmarks, or celebrities, but it's a given that none of it is sports-related in the least. Let's take a look at the NY-Philly catfight.

•The New York Post started the day off with a doozy of a cover, but the accompanying story is pretty weak. The usual platitudes about Philadelphia being small and their fans boorish abound. Best line: "Philly fans are a bunch of whiners and should learn how to dress. They should try reading GQ."

•The Philadelphia Inquirer gets surprisingly offensive, devoting an article to picking holes in the Post's story. It even takes the time to point out that those probably aren't really Shane Victorino's legs on the cover. Best line: "Check out the [Post's] 'evidence' in a story that, apparently, took three people to write."

•The New York Daily News takes the "aww, aren't they precious" tact, and belittles Philadelphians' confidence. They call the Phanatic a "pig-nosed monster" and actually use the term "Sillydelphia." Best line: "What makes this city of 109 neighborhoods - with names like Germantown, Fishtown and Swamp Poodle - unafraid?"

•Stuck in neutral territory, the Newark Star-Ledger goes the tried-and-true "this thing from this city vs. this thing from that city" route. Comparisons of local delicacies, noted figures (historic and fictional) and even accents are arbitary and stereotypical enough to offend both sides. Best line: "Every March 17, green puke runs down Fifth Avenue. Every Jan. 1, soused Mummers at least have the decency to puke into their satin parasols."

•Even the Associated Press gets in on the fun. It's a mostly dry breakdown of how the cities match up, alongside a photo of Philadelphia's mayor do-si-do-ing with the Phanatic. Best line: "The Yankees and Phillies have never been real rivals. New York has a record 26 World Series titles and the Statue of Liberty; Philadelphia has two and a statue of 'Rocky.'"

While I didn't highlight it, rest assured that every single article prominently mentioned cheesesteaks. What's that, Deadspin readers? You're from the rest of the country and don't give a crap about this showdown? Carry on, then.