Last Night's Winner: MassholesS

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Curt Schilling's boy toy, Scott Brown, who posthumously kicked Ted Kennedy's health care loving butt. This is exactly like the American Revolution, but more annoying.

However, Democrats shouldn't be annoyed that their Massachusetts brethren—who control the governorship, both houses of the state legislature and the entire U.S. congressional delegation—couldn't protect a seat that's belonged to the same family for 57 years. They should be annoyed that it matters . They should be annoyed that 59-41 somehow doesn't equal a majority. That a single guy who has been a Senator for five minutes can undo an entire year's worth of very annoying debates. Seriously, I don't care if it's a constitutional amendment to ban cheese, we better get something out of those town halls and tea parties. Did you know that you don't even have to give a speech anymore to filibuster something? Jimmy Stewart must be so pissed right now.

Not that I'm bitter! What's good for Curt Schilling is good for America. Unless it's universal health insurance, which everyone in Massachusetts already has. Thank goodness I live in New York, where our State Senators are too busy slashing people in the face to stop our benevolent mayor-for-life from removing all the calories from fast food. I feel healthier already.

Honorable Mention: LeBron James probably did something last night. That should cheer you up.