Yes, Kansas, Let Us Taste The Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•The country is still coming to terms with a Jayhawkless tournament, after the earliest exit for a No. 1 seed since 2004. I don't mean to brag, but I had this upset picked in my "who would win in a real life battle of mascots" bracket.

•Wladimir Klitschko dominated Eddie Chambers, retaining his heavyweight titles with a 12th round KO. Boxing's not even fooling me anymore, putting him up against worthless chumps I've maybe-kind-of heard of before. Now it's worthless chumps I've definitely never heard of.

•Joe Nathan announced not minutes ago that he will opt for Tommy John surgery, and will miss the entire season. The Twins are officially like my fantasy team: not willing to pay too highly for an elite catcher, and willing to punt the saves category altogether.

•Alex Ovechkin returned from his two-game suspension in style, with a gamewinning goal, his 45th of the year. That ties him with Sidney Crosby for the league lead, which, if I'm not mistaken, warrants another suspension.

•Mike Tomlin says he's highly concerned about Ben Roethlisberger. You would be too, if the only QB you had under contract was Dennis Dixon.

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It's easy like Sunday morning. More basketball on today, I'm told.