Last Night's Winner: Your Sex Life, Thanks To Bill Romanowski (UPDATE)

In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like you, if you read Romocop's pathetic sex column posted at despicable content publisher Associated Content, for which he's being paid literally pennies.

Perhaps you're unfamiliar with Associated Content. It lets literally anyone write about whatever they want, and pays them based on the number of pageviews. A sustainable approach? Perhaps, since Yahoo! just paid $100 million for it. But Associated Content should never be your destination for, um, content.

Says ,

Associated Content stands as a cautionary tale for anyone looking to do news by the numbers. It is a wasteland of bad writing, uninformed commentary, and the sort of comically dull recitation of the news you'd get from a second grader.

Fitting, because Romanowski's contributions to the site look like they were written by a second grader with a history of concussions. Let's go over yesterday's column, "Healthy Secrets to Better Sex." The premise: if you look better, you'll feel better about yourself and have better sex. He therefore tosses the idea of sex right out the window, and lists some tips on getting into shape. Here's the meat of his column, in its entirety:

•Take the stairs. •Carry your groceries. •Go for a morning walk. •Do jumping jacks.

And that's it. Do all that, and you'll be having better sex in no time, says the man who admittedly used the Cream, the Clear, and HGH, all proven to shrink testicles.

So if Romocop is toiling away in obscurity, writing these well-researched (he used footnotes!) columns, surely the money must be good at least? Well, this is his sixth column on Associated Content, and together, all six have 11,850 combined pageviews. I don't know what their pay scale is like, but I'm guessing it's not enough to pay off Marcus Williams's court-ordered award.

Update: Holy shit. As meemahmoomoo points out, Bill gave the exact same advice in his column on surviving holiday stress. Bill's having great sex and not sweating Black Friday shopping, all thanks to jumping jacks.

Healthy Secrets To Better Sex