You're With Me, Tom Friedman's MustacheS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• Speaking of Berman, go to the 2:20 mark of this video.

• John Calipari — Coach Vacated his own bad self — says some laughable shit about the fell influence of agents.

• Here's a long profile about the corpulent coach of an 8-8ish Jets team who is credited with having a "beautiful football mind." This should not be confused with the many long profiles written in 2007 about the corpulent, beautifully football-minded coach of a 4-12 Jets team. Also of note: Ray Lewis is described herein as a human "portcullis," which I believe is derived from the French word for "accessory to a double murder."

• The dumb to-and-fro between Team USA's Mike Krzyzewski and Russia's David Blatt gets dumber.

• Anyone have a guess what too-hot-for-ESPN thing Roger Federer says in the video below? Did he make a joke about Bud Selig?

• A few days old, but definitely worth a read: on the Boston media's perniciously cock-swinging treatment of players who play hurt.

Screengrab via @TiricoSuave

* * * * *

Good morning. If you haven't already, check out all the wistful reminiscing going on in the comments here.