Tennessee Football Team Doesn't Know How To Properly Bathe

A staph infection outbreak among several Tennessee football players left coach Derek Dooley with no option other than to conduct a team-wide clinic on proper showering technique and hygiene. Work up a rich lather after the jump.

Here's how Dooley put it:

"We've had a few staph infections, so we did a clinic yesterday on proper shower technique and soap and using a rag," Dooley said. "We put some new rags in — y'all think I'm kidding, but I'm serious.

"We had, I told them, the worst shower discipline of any team I've ever been around. So we talked a little bit about application of soap to the rag and making sure you hit all your body. You know, you can neglect it trying to cut corners, and it shows in how you practice and elsewhere. I'm hoping we show some improvement in that."

Aside from making us think of this, we cannot get enough of this story. How bad at showering and cleaning yourself do you have to be before your coach intervenes? How was this clinic conducted? Were, ahem, volunteers needed to demonstrate the proper amount of time one should wash each armpit? What is "shower discipline"—not skeeting in the offensive line coach's shampoo bottle? How is "shower discipline" measured? Does every team chart "shower discipline," or is Derek Dooley just a glorious buffoon? College football is great.

DOOLEY QUOTED: Hitting the showers [GoVolsXtra, via SBNation]