Unemployed, Mike Singletary Is

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• There won't be any wasted tears for Jaws and Gruden around these parts, but last night was the final Monday Night Football game of the season, and the Saints beat the Falcons, 17-14. But maybe next year we'll have three more to look forward to, and if Communist China has its way, these Tuesday games could really take off.

• Shaq was fined $35,000 for complaining about the refereeing in Sunday's loss to the Orlando Magic. Shaq, who fouled out with two points in 13 minutes of play in the loss, has great perspective: "In 20 years of playing in the NBA," he said, "I've paid over $90 million in federal tax, $40 million in FICA tax, and $1 million in David Stern tax."

• UConn is no longer undefeated! The men I mean. Calhoun's No. 4 Huskies lost to No. 6 Pittsburgh 78-63 last night.

• The Jets are stuck in Chicago, the Giants are still held up in Wisconsin, and the Vikings are still masturbating in Philly.

• Dirk Nowitzki hurt his knee against the Thunder last night, but the Mavs still won and are now 24-5 — plus, for all we know, it was digitized Tron Nowitzki. So let's not panic yet.

• Bill Cowher is "insulted" that anyone would suggest he's after Tom Coughlin's job. He added, "I'm not naive to say there won't be change at the end of the year. But I will address that at the end of the year." Okay then.

• Zach Lowe ranked some of the best and worst basketball courts in the NBA. The Prudential Center did not make the cut, and the Timberwolves hardwood was deemed "an incomparable mess," so this "contraction" idea might be good for the league's aesthetics, too.

H/T Jeff C. for the photo

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Good morning. Snowpocalypse no longer.