Your morning roundup for March 30, the day Peter Venkman signed on to play FDR.

• Former Giants trainer Stan Conte and both Giambi brothers testified at Barry Bonds' trial yesterday. I'd tell you what they said, but then Randy Velarde would have to kill you.

• The Bruins' Shawn Thornton needed 40 stitches after Fernando Pisani's skate blade cut him in the face, and the Blackhawks teased him about it. But Boston won 3-0, and got the last laugh—Chicago's only three points ahead of Dallas (who has a game at hand) for the final playoff spot in the West.

VCU Has Now Forced Its Unbearable Victory Song Upon UsS

Only 11 students showed up to a rally to support Purdue coach Matt Painter, who is entertaining a job offer from Missouri. Maybe if you had told them Curtis Painter would also be there, a few more people would have shown up? Indiana's a hard place to understand.

• Madness XX: In some sport that is not men's basketball, UConn beat Duke to a pulp, 75-40. The Huskies are close to winning their third straight national championship, led by Maya Moore, who scored her 3,000th point (she had 28, 10 rebounds, and 7 steals) AND became only the second four-time All-American in history. If she were a man, she'd, uh, be a crummier version of Shabazz Napier, probably.

• Meanwhile, Brittney Griner and the Baylor Lady Bears fell at the hands of Texas A&M, 58-46. A&M had lost eight straight against Baylor! So your other Final Four is set: A&M will play Stanford, and UConn will play Notre Dame. With any luck, we'll see the Stanford-UConn rematch four of you were hoping for.

• Cowboys WR Dez Bryant has racked up about $800k in jewelry debts. At least Antonio Cromartie's unaffordable follies will provide him lifelong joy. What's Dez going to do with his "FUCK U JON KITNA" medallion during the lockout?

• Mets left fielder Jason Bay will likely start the season on the DL with a strained ribcage. Guess this means a month of Willie Harris in left, with Carlos Beltran and his un-knees in right. A false spring indeed. FireSandyAlderson.com is available for purchase.

• The Fiesta Bowl fired its president and two other executives resigned after a report indicated that bowl employees spent thousands on birthday parties, backdoor political contributions, and strippers. Brent Musburger notes that resigned boss John Junker might have to pay back a lot of Tostitos.

• Although the United States lost 1-0 in a friendly against Paraguay, young back Timmy Chandler played well enough that the Steve Cherundolo era might soon come to a merciful end.

• Meanwhile, the Flyers beat the Penguins, 5-2, and further entrenched themselves atop the Eastern Conference, despite a recent cold streak. Alex Kovalev, who is inexplicably still playing, had a goal for the Penguins in the loss.

(Video h/t to Elliott)

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VCU Has Now Forced Its Unbearable Victory Song Upon UsS

Animus: One talent evaluator provides reviews of Cam Newton, and they're not so hot. Don't like his arm? Understandable. "Very disingenuous, has an enormous ego?" Just a fuzz bitchy.

VCU Has Now Forced Its Unbearable Victory Song Upon Us

Game of Airbrushed Shadows: Kimberly Bell, Barry Bonds' former mistress, testified at his trial and had a lot to say. But she was even more chatty when she spoke to Steve Pond of Playboy in 2007. We all prefer Amy Fisher.

Peaked: Tennessee lost to Notre Dame in the women's tournament, and Pat Summitt was mean to her players about it. In public. Say what you want about Bob Knight, well, nah, actually, he'd do that.

VCU Has Now Forced Its Unbearable Victory Song Upon UsS

Shamateurism: There's been a media groundswell this week, on PBS and HBO, about hypocrisy in the NCAA regulations. Maybe the NCAA will pony up. But don't count on it.

VCU Has Now Forced Its Unbearable Victory Song Upon Us

Tresselmania: This masterful composition from MikeCheck6 won our Jim Tressel Signing Things Photoshop contest. But click through for all the other contenders.