Shaq's New Girlfriend Is Admirably Comically Sized (UPDATE: This Is How They Kiss)

Maybe she could fit inside one of his long jean short legs?

The pictured Diesel fling is Nicole "Hoopz" Alexander, whom you may remember from Flavor of Love if you're easily seduced by noxious television programs masquerading as water cooler fodder.

IMDB lists her at five-foot-two, which this photo seems to confirm. A quick-and-dirty photo analysis gives us Hoopz's height at 458 pixels, and Shaq's at 637, meaning he's approximately 1.39 Hoopzes. If we take their listed heights—62 inches for Hoopz, and 85 inches for Shaq—we find that Shaq is approximately 1.37 Hoopzes.

Average the two, we get 1.38 Hoopzes for Shaq, which means they must have really fun sex.

UPDATE:

If you don't know, now you know, reader.

Photo via.