Stephon Marbury Signs With Another Chinese Basketball Team, Saves Humanity

Well, well. Starbury was just so gracious to announce on Twitter today—so all of us would be lucky enough to be the first to know—that he has signed a contract to play with the Beijing Ducks of the Chinese Basketball Association.

After the, uh, fanfare of his big announcement, Starbury giddily packed his timeline with a blend of the sort of self-aggrandizing religiosity and lack of self-awareness we've always loved him for. And the above Obama-inspired tweet was only the beginning.

He reminded us he's no Kobe, but he did save the children by selling them shoes essentially at cost:

I'm the kid that brought you 15 dollar sneakers during the worst times in life. Clothes for 15 dollars or less. And I'm not the best. KOBEIS

He let us in on the similarities between his own path and that of another persecuted superstar who was once drummed out of his hometown (continued)...

I know people don't like me and that's ok because people hated Jesus and that was ok to. I'm tagging my page because I'm happy. I control

...combined with something about his own media network and his famous taste for Vaseline:

My own media threw STARBURYT tv.3 You see me tv ( my voice) cause I'm doing me!!!! The Vasaline #KING

Also: God not only got him to Beijing. He picked out his number, too:

Now that my second phase of GODS plan has worked, in playing in the most POWERFUL CITY ON THIS EARTH, in Beijing I will wait for number #3

He even had a message for the Knicks, which he was kind enough to re-tweet a short time later (of course):

Is the way to try to see things. I thought the KnIcks and Datoni did me dirty but the really got me clean. GOD works out all things. #CHINA

And, finally, there's no underestimating the importance of being "first to market" with news like this. None at all:

Thank you for listening to my movie! I told it to you live on twitter. FIRST to market is a blessing! Back to the regular love. #Gone

Hao yun, Starbury! Beijing, jia you! Deadspin managing editor Tom Scocca recommends the roast duck at Da Dong. Quanjude is strictly for tourists.

Previously: Dark Side Of The Locker Room: Stephon Marbury Is Puzzled By My Godlessness
The Gospel Of Stephon Marbury
The Lone Wolf Goes To China