Just when you think Lenny Dykstra has finally drowned in life's big fat puddle of chew spit, he swims to the surface long enough to cough up just a little more of what's left of his dignity.
Just two weeks ago, Dykstra pleaded no contest to three counts of grand theft auto and filing a false statement, which allowed him to remain free until his January sentencing. And now we learn Nails will be opposite Jose Canseco on a pay-per-view fight card Saturday that includes such other notable celebrity has-beens as Kato Kaelin, Michael Lohan, Joey Buttafucco, Coolio, Amy Fisher, Octo Mom, Bombshell McGee, and Tila Tequila. And that Dykstra (wink wink) "begged" Canseco's originally scheduled opponent, Tareq Salahi (who—shockingly—is some reality show star, which I had to look up), to let him fight in his place. Canseco long ago established his bona fides as a pandering, pathetic mess of a human. So surely all of you have better things to do that night than watch any of this, let alone pay to do so.