Eli Manning Lost To Alex Smith, Is A Bum: Your Sunday NFL RoundupS

For whatever reason, Eli will always be considered a terrible quarterback. Maybe it's because he is a contemporary of some very, very good quarterbacks—one of whom is his big brother—or maybe it's because he is kind of a doofus. Or maybe it's because he lost to Alex Smith and is terrible. Either way, here's your Sunday roundup. Enjoy.

Arizona 21, Philadelphia 17: John Skelton is a force, ladies and gentleman. A perfectly thrown ball to Larry Fitzgerald, who almost ruined it by trying to dive and scramble into the endzone, set up what would be the game winning touchdown to Early Doucet. He's my MVP dark horse.

Tennessee 30, Carolina 3: Someone forgot to DVR the Cam Newton Show this week. According to Cam, the 2-7 Panthers got a much needed "reality check" after the drubbing at the hands of Chris Johnson and the Tennessee Titans. Right.[SI]

Houston 37, Tampa Bay 9: The Texans are now 4-0 without Andre Johnson this year. Matt Schaub continues to be perfectly serviceable alongside Arian Foster and the league's number one ranked defense. What that actually means? I don't know, but they're doing it without Mario Williams. [CBS]

Miami 20, Washington 9: Leave it to the marvelous Rex Grossman and Mike Shanahan to end the longest home losing streaking in Miami Dolphins franchise history at seven. Leave it to the Miami Dolphins to extend Shanahan's career worst losing streak to five. Reggie Bush scored two touchdowns—abnormal—and Rex Grossman was intercepted twice—normal.

Jacksonville 17, Indianapolis 3 : I am now a hundredaire.

Denver 17, Kansas City 10: I'll just leave this here: "The Kansas City Chiefs knew what was coming, even after the Denver Broncos' top two running backs went down with injuries. Their AFC West rivals were going to keep running behind Tim Tebow until the Chiefs proved they could stop them. Just when it looked like they finally did, Tebow went to the air. The former Heisman Trophy winner connected with Eric Decker on a 56-yard touchdown pass in the fourth quarter, helping the Broncos to a humbling — even humiliating — 17-10 defeat of Kansas City. [Denver Post]

Dallas 44, Buffalo 7: It would appear that the Buffalo Bills' time as a serious team in the NFL is over. DeMarco Murray ran for 135 yards and touchdown, while Tony Romo had only three incompletions. It was Phil Simms-in-the-Super-Bowl efficient. Fred Jackson ran for over 100 yards but failed to get into the endzone. Hope you guys had fun, Buffalo.

New Orleans 26, Atlanta 23: Mike Smith decided to go for it on fourth and inches. From his own 30 yard line. In overtime. And they got it! And won the game on a really gutsy play call! Oh, wait. Sorry, the most foreseeable thing ever happened. They couldn't convert it and turned the ball over on downs, losing by a field goal.

St. Louis 13, Cleveland 12: Yeah. This game happened.

Pittsburgh 24, Cincinnati 17: Rashard Mendenhall had two touchdowns as the Steelers finally slowed the quarterbacking wunderkind, Andy Dalton. "'I felt like we had a really good grasp on what they were doing,' said Dalton, who was 15 of 30 for 170 yards. 'Even with all the movements and shifts that they were doing, I still thought we had a good feel.'" [Whio.com]

Mark Schlereth Reads An AP Style Game Recap
Blaine. Gabbert. Threw for. A. Touch. Down. And. Maurice. Jones. Drew. ran for A. No. Ther. score Sunday. Gi. Ving. the Jacksonville. Jaguars. a 17-3 victory [genuflects] over the winless ["un-victory-like"] Indianapolis Colts.

Eli Manning Lost To Alex Smith, Is A Bum: Your Sunday NFL Roundup

Jones. Drew. carried. 25. Times. For 114. Yards and became the second. Player in franchise. [begins sweating] History. To top. 6,000 yards. Rushing. It was the. [top button pops] First. Road. Win. of the season. For [pants rip at the thighs] Jacksonville (3-6).

Ind. [eyes begin to bug out] Indianapolis. [GRUGGGHHH] Remained. [rips shirt off] THE. NATIONAL. FOOTBALL. LEAGUE'S LAST WINLESS TEAM, DROPPING TO 0-10 FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1997.

[squeezes football so hard it bursts]
THE LEAGUE'S WORST OFFENSES LIVE UP TO THEIR BILLING.

Gabbert hooked up with Jarrett Dillard on an 11-yard TD pass late in the third quarter to break a 3-3 tie, and Jones-Drew capped an 8-yard drive with a 3-yard touchdown run late in the fourth to seal it.
[Smile at the camera, Stinkerton]

Chicago 37, Detroit 13: What a crazy game. I'm so glad I didn't get to see it so I could watch Eli Manning be a terrible quarterback and stink up the joint. What? There was even a fight? Goddammit.

Seattle 22, Baltimore 17: OK. So I saw the score and I was legitimately interested to read the recap on this game to see what happened. I didn't even make it past the headline. "Hauschka's five FGs help Seahawks kick Ravens" Perfect. [CBS]

San Francisco 27, NY Giants 20: Obviously Eli Manning is not a terrible quarterback. He is the terriblest quarterback. Hyperbole or not, that's the truth. I mean, Jim Harbaugh even tried burning timeouts to even give them a chance and he still blew it. What a putz.

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