Derek Jeter: Fatty Fatty Boombalatty (Or Something)

That right there is Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter, fresh off the pancake buffet at a Miami hotel as he rehabs his surgically repaired ankle. Notice anything different? I mean, besides the layer after layer of disgusting subcutaneous fat, just bulging and drooping and oh god I'm going to be ill. Anyway, new cargo shorts, obviously.

The Knicks were off yesterday. There's no hockey. The Yankees are quiet on the free agent market. The Mets re-signed David Wright only after the paper had gone to the presses. So the Post stuck an "EXCLUSIVE PHOTO" on its back page, and ran a story about Jeter's apparent weight gain this offseason. (The picture was so exclusive that the Daily News went and purchased it from the same photo agency, and ran it on their own site.)

This bit was more fun last year, when the Boston Globe ran side-by-side photos of the chicken-and-beer Red Sox, asking rhetorically if they had "packed on the pounds." But yes, athletes tend to eat and train more like regular humans during their off-months, and since Jeter can't put weight on his ankle, he's probably going to be slightly amorphous.

The Yankees were forced to address this, after sighing deeply and rubbing their temples. GM Brian Cashman told the Daily News that "it's probably a wrinkle in the shirt." Then there's this, from ESPN New York, and it's probably the single best paragraph for illustrating how awful baseball's offseason can be for everyone involved.

"I saw that the picture said he was heavy. I can't tell you he is heavy," Cashman said early Friday in Stamford, Conn., where he and former Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine were to rappel off a building in preparation for a holiday event.