This is just the worst deal, man. Worst of all the deals. Oklahoma City's broadcast team took a moment during the third quarter of tonight's Thunder-Timberwolves game to shill for a scam in which—for a limited time!—Oklahomans who purchase a Mega Millions lottery ticket will be rewarded with ... a chance to maybe also win a tornado shelter.
Look. I do not live in Oklahoma. Maybe they do things differently in the southern plains. But, my very strong belief in this matter is that, if you live in Oklahoma, probably you should not be leaving your tornado preparedness up to the fickle hands and long odds of lottery drawings. Try putting a positive spin on that, when there's a god damn F5 bearing down on your house and your family's all huddled in the bathroom doorway because you don't have a tornado shelter. "Good news, kids! Daddy didn't hit on his tornado shelter ticket this month. Who's up for a vacation in the merry old land of Oz?"
Listen to the broadcaster guys talking up this bad promotion! I like the second guy's cluelessness, how it completely undermines his partner's attempts at selling you on the gravity of the tornado threat and the peace of mind that a man gets from easy access to a subterranean safe space. "Is that your man cave?" "I have yet to experience that here, but ... not looking forward to it!"
They just wouldn't let it go, either.
Oh God. From the deathly awkwardness of the "Things That Could Go On Oklahoma License Plates" bit, to that excruciating segue—"... the way that the organization and community have bonded [over tornadoes] ... Westbrook having trouble bonding with the rim tonight"—if you hold your ear up to your computer screen, you can actually hear this rambling disaster of a shill-spiel sucking the air out of the room. It doesn't make me want to buy a Mega Millions ticket; it makes me want to buy a Get Well Soon card and send it to this poor guy. If the tornadoes don't get him, he's gonna drown in flop sweat.
Don't play the lottery for tornado shelters. Thank you.