On today’s episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show Ronda Rousey gave her first talk show interview since getting knocked out by Holly Holm, and things got extremely real. In the clip below, Rousey talks about how she was basically out on her feet after the very first exchange with Holm, and reveals that she felt suicidal immediately after the loss.

Here’s the whole quote:

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I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself, and that exact second I’m like, “I’m nothing. What do I do anymore? And no one gives a shit about me anymore without this.”

To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing up there and I looked up at him and I was like, I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.

It may be hard to believe that someone as successful as Rousey would actually feel like killing herself in that moment, but getting knocked out can do strange things to a fighter—doubly so for one like Rousey, who’s been doing nothing but competing and winning at a high level since she was a teenager.

Rousey went on to say that she wants her next fight to be a rematch with Holm.