Deadspin
Deadspin "correspondent" AJ Daulerio is filing dispatches from the Super Bowl all week. Last night, he hit the motherlode. This is the final of his three tales from a crazed night.
Bears defensive end Alex Brown looked like he was having the time of his life last night. The former Gator enjoyed well-wishers from both Bears fans and Gator fans alike. He's affable, he smiles a lot, and he was never without a vodka cranberry. The first part of the night, he was hanging with Michael Strahan at the front of the Clevelander. Strahan, even though he's post-divorce, still looks like a guy that's getting the shit kicked out of him by a woman.
Before the Super Bowl, Brown was probably best remembered for his part in the Sugar Brawl. Lt. Winslow, Canes fan ("I FUCKING BLEED ORANGE AND GREEN") remembers it vividly. Lt. Winslow had to get to the bottom of what happened. He advised me, as my attorney, that he wouldn't do anything that would result in a beating by a gigantic black man. The mustache can only protect so many.
After the jump, read Winslow's full transcript with Alex Brown in front of the velvet ropes, as we waited to get into Irvin's Lair about the Sugar Brawl. Oh, and there's some Stuart Scott fun down there too.
Lt. Winslow: Yo Alex can i get a pic?
Alex Brown: Sorry man, no pics.
LW: I understand, I understand. Well then let me ask you this. Off the record ... what really happened that night on Bourbon Street?
AB: What night you talking about?
LW: Come on man. I'm a Cane; you know what night I am talking about.
AB: Ohhhhhh THAT night. Man, what you know about that?
LW: Dude... I fucking bleed orange & green. I mean, i know what I've HEARD happened, but I want to hear it from the source.
AB: What you heard happened?
LW: Well... I heard that my boys started that shit, that Al Blades poured a drink over Reche's(Caldwell's) head and that's how it started.
AB: (laughs) You are 1/2 right.
LW: Thats what I heard. That Al Blades started it.
AB: Yeah, and he was the first motherfucker to get knocked out too.
(The bouncer at The Clevelander calls his roommate and puts roommate on the phone)
AB: (Into phone): Well yeah man, I would be jealous if I was you too. I got to go now — I got to go take care of business with these 3 ho's upstairs.
However, as soon as he went upstairs, said ho's were already talking to Sean Salisbury. (That'll happen!) On the stairwell, we noticed Stuart Scott leaning up against the railing, talking on his cell phone. The conversation overheard was about "getting together later on" and he was obviously disappointed that someone wasn't meeting up with him. But who?
Later, inside, as I approached Stuart Scott to get a picture taken with him ("No thanks, dude" is what he said), I leaned over his shoulder and caught him text messaging and the name of the person he was sending the message to:
"Lemme know."
Now, obviously, "Lemme know" is pretty non-descript. But at 12: 30 a.m., in Miami, well, it means "Are you coming out tonight to fuck me or what?" Especially given who Scott was texting (I literally read the name right off his phone):
Her name is Michelle Beisner, former Denver Broncos cheerleader and aspiring D-list Hollywood actress-type. Blonde. White Woman. Hey, nobody likes to start rumors about Stuart Fucking Scott, but if Michelle Beisner is his booty call, well, BooYa, my friend. Boo Fucking Ya.
Comments
Thank Christ, I have been waiting for this update all afternoon...uhh...not that I haven't been working or anything...
Winslow is quite the prolix bastard, eh?
What happened to good ol' Stu is exactly why I only put last names and nicknames into my cell, not full names.
Sounds to me like he experienced the coolness of the other side of the pillow all by his lonesome.
Imagine the shocked look on Reche Caldwell's face when he got that drink poured on him.
It doesn't matter if you're a janitor, or the wonky-eyed face of ESPN; if you're drunk at a bar after midnight, all that matters is the nappy dugout. Way to keep it real, Stu.
I see the U has a unique policy on "off the record".
Whats with all the football types drinking Cape Codders?
nice pull by Stumanji...if he did pull it. To bad the fight story didnt get finished, sounds like a good one. Again AJ, please be there for XLI hooker sting, we've GOTTA be due for a player gettin popped
+2 Moletran
I am willing to bet that Berman is busting out the "Lemme know" on every chick he sees now.
Who knows? Maybe she's got a Weird Discolored Lazy Eye fetish.
Funny, I know a little Jewish girl in Chicago that took Alex Brown to a wedding as a last-minute date, proceeded to hump him, and took off the next morning before he woke up. She only left a thank you note behind.
AJ Daulerio IS the balls.
Winslow, you are a madman. When you stole that cow? And you and AJ tried to make it with that cow? I wanna party with you, cowboy.
I hope Stuart's wife doesn't read Deadspin.
If you tell me in the next post that sean and lil sean ended up with michelle beisner I am going to drive my car into oncoming traffic
Is anybody else getting the feeling that Lt. Winslow, Canes fan, is a "lawyer" in the sense Dr. Gonzo was a "lawyer"?
Because that's awesome.
Wait till you see those goddamn bats.
Reche Caldwell, Stuart Scott...are we going to get some stories about Sandy Duncan and Polyphemus next?
Now, obviously, "Lemme know" is pretty non-descript. But at 12: 30 a.m., in Miami, well, it means "Are you coming out tonight to fuck me or what?"
The only thing better is the text message of "'sup" at the same time of night, which is code for "Can I hit it tonight?"
But I have to give Stu some credit for having that girl's number in his phone.
AJ, Winslow, you guys gotta tell Stu Scott that he's ruining SportsCenter for everyone.
Alex Brown: Sorry man, no pics.
LW: No pics? If I snap one, what are you gonna do about it? You gonna -
AB: Wad I jus tell you about Al Blades.
Winslow: /Remembers
Have a nice night
I think the most surprising revelation here is that Stu Scott communicates in English
I think the most surprising revelation here is that Stu Scott communicates in English
Between Stu and Irvin, I wonder who was AJ's translator for the evening? I don't know if even Lt. Winslow could handle that task.
I hope Stuart's wife doesn't read Deadspin.
As if everyone didn't already know he was seeing someone on the side.
Booya.
Thanks, Proverbial, for the end of the workday spitup, now I have to clean my desk.
From Stu Scott's Wikipedia article
His interests include balling, shot-calling, and stomping the yard.
was Stu Scott sporting the murse? when I saw him on the streets of New York he had the nice leather man-purse.
Can't wait to read AJ and Lt. W exploits tonight. Still waiting on a cell phone number.
Proverbial, that joke kind of crept up on me, but god damn it, that's fucking awesome.
I wonder if the "Lemme know" included a picture of lil booyah.
> Strahan, even though he's post-divorce, still looks like a guy that's getting the shit kicked out of him by a woman.
Sounds about right.
Aweseme Story Lt., AB always came off in his interviews with the Local media as fun guy to kick it with at a bar. Just one suggestion, it might have helped to get some pictures of AB to go along with the story, not just random pictures of a white T-shirt.
She was really hot on the fact that he is David Blaine's go-to play-by-play guy.
if stuart scott wasn't a tar heel, i'd have major problems with that woman talking to him. as it is, it still makes me uneasy
Alex Brown was cool as shit... he sat & talked to me for a good 5-10 minutes. granted, he was waiting on his 3 hoe's. but cool as shit nonetheless.
SBXL? This happened last year.
One of these days they'll have the super bowl in Toledo, then I'll be the one sidling up to important athletes.
I bled green and orange from my cock one time in college. A simple course of antibiotics cleared it right up.
my god this was the best afternoon reading I may have ever had. Thank you Mr. Daulerio. I think you should be a traveling correspondant to all big time events.
BOO YAH!
That was fucking great
That chick...and Stu Scott?
It never ceases to amaze me the depths that a chick will sink to.
I choose to believe that the following happened:
1. H.B. Blades started the fight
2. Brown and Caldwell proceeded to go all Chuck Liddell on the entire Canes roster, knocking motherfuckers out left and right.
3. Brown, feeling bad for said unconscious Canes, lay his necklace on top of a fallen, unconscious player.
Yup, that's totally what happened.
How does it feel to get outmacked by Sean Salisbury, Stu?
You and your lazy eye are a disgrace.
"Between Stu and Irvin, I wonder who was AJ's translator for the evening? I don't know if even Lt. Winslow could handle that task."
I think I remember that scene from Airplane
Stu Scott drunk texting for a late night booty call makes you feel:
A) Good, because even celebrities (I use that term loosely) drunk text.
B)Terrible, because Stu is a douche bag, and that makes you one too.
I'm going with B.
excuse me miss, I speak Hurricane
We should just pack it up and go home. Proverbial has won.
+several
Balls, Lt., I'd like to apologize on behalf of everyone for being anything less than supportive of yesterday's posts. Because you have totally redeemed yourself. Now go out there and raise some more hell.
Again, I say to you: Find Chris Henry before it's too late.
Ms. Beisner may be the balls, but at least Stu wasn't pimpin' on Renee Herlocker.
Michelle Beisner is listed as "NFL Network On-Site Super Bowl Talent".
http://www.nfl.com/nflnetwork/SB_41_programming
Phony,
What is the demonry you show us?
Wow
Yet another drawback to the lazy eye: weasels reading your txts over your shoulder.
Jesus, AnalRapist, she looks like an elf in that picture.
A sexy, hot, short-skirt-wearing nurse elf.
Yum.
YWM-LMK. It's the Gilette Fusion of Deadspin memes
+1 doodlebug
the second result of her google image search is the best: http://www.trygve.com/blog_2006_01.html
and yes proverbial wins
Proverbial: Comment of the Year, so far.
In regards to the picture Anal Rapist links to:
Yes, Yes, Can't See.
What?
You know I used to have a real problem with the whole "sexy nurse" thing seeing as my mom's a nurse, it kinda ruined it for me.
Renee just cured me.
Is Lt. Winslow getting a spinoff from this Deadspin spinoff. You know, how like Good Times was a spin-off of Maude was a spin-off of All in the Family?
Because he's proving he can carry a show on his own...
Gold.
Pure. Gold.