Deadspin
Deadspin "correspondent" AJ Daulerio is filing dispatches from the Super Bowl all week. Last night, he hit the motherlode. This is the first of his three tales from a crazed night in which, as this picture clearly shows, he sneaked into the right media party.
No, I did not ask him to take a picture of his junk on his cellphone. No, I did not ask him about "Jew". I was just in awe. Stunned, really, at how many women Salisbury attracts. From dumpy chicks with glasses, to 6-foot model-y types: they all swarmed him. Salisbury was not without female accompaniment for less than 10 seconds at a private party at the Clevelander. Most of the time, they would hug him. "He's soooo tall!" they'd say to each other. Most of the women have probably never watched "NFL Live" before. Or even known about his less than spectacular quarterbacking career. They just knew he was something.
He shook plenty of people's hands. He stirred his vodka tonic — with three limes on a napkin — and he made small talk when necessary. And when he agreed to take a picture with a smiling couple, adoring busboys, giraffe beav, he just requested one thing, as he sternly called over my lawyer Lt. Winslow after he snapped a quick photo of Salisbury getting his picture taken:
"I don't want it ending up on the internet."
(more after the jump)
The Clevelander is a cheesy Margitavilleish type club downstairs, and its upstairs, "VIP" section is about the size of a modest New York City apartment, wall-to-wall white, and held a "private" party last night with, oh, 35 people. Michael Irvin huddled in the corner with a bodyguard who was a Big Black doppelganger. Stuart Scott, dressed in his best fratty tan and white stripey, chatted up the few people who would come up to him and "Boo-yaaaa" and then awkwardly shook their hand. Bears defensive end Alex Brown drank Cranberry and vodka and even did the kamikaze shots that were bought for him by some very excited Bears fans.
But Salisbury held court. Salisbury is the mayor. Salisbury is the real balls.
He is a tall guy, and he's got that swagger. It's not a young guy swagger. It's that former athlete, gym teacher, asshole-type machismo. He makes wry smiles at the women who approach him and will let the ESPN fanboys come up to him, but he looks them in the eye and he makes sure that they're legit and not trying to do anything crazy, or gay, or just out and out annoy him. He gives a two second Eastwood wince to every single guy that comes up to him in that way because, tonight, guys, it's for the ladies — but he'll shake your hand, accept the accolades about how "great a job" he does at ESPN.
But if you don't have boobs, it's gonna be a brief chat.
But he was paranoid about pictures (why???) and made sure every person that wanted their photo taken with him seemed to have good intentions. I was a little paranoid about approaching him with Winslow since Salisbury had already scolded him — and the bouncers were already doing us a favor, so it wouldn't be wise to cause any annoyance and risk getting tossed. So we took the Deadspin camera and handed off to another person who agreed to get the photo with Salisbury. I walked up behind him and politely asked for a picture with him. He gave me the Eastwood, but I had the perfect trump card.
"It's for my fiancee. She would kill me if I didn't get a photo with you."
He couldn't turn that down.
He gave me the smile. He put his arm around me and waited for the photo. I jutted out the mustache has much as far as I could and waited for the flash.
"No internet", he repeated again after it was over, and we pounded fists and I walked away and he went back to the bar, to the next woman in line, and spent the rest of the night just being Salisbury and constantly checking his phone to see where he'd end up next.
Oh, there is more to this evening, which shall be shared later — Irvin's suit, Alex Brown's explanation of his Miami fistfight, and, most stunning, Stuart Scott's text message booty call.
Come back. It'll be great.
Comments
that moustache is out of control.
and Salisbury's freakish glowing red eyes are a definite sign that he is in league with Satan.
God help us all.
NOW WE'RE TALKIN', BALLS! Power of the 'stache!
He's rolling in the Battlebots tail.
Ladies...
It's weird that Salisbury didn't get upset about AJ apparently vomiting on his tie.
That picture pretty much justified the whole trip already, AJ.
You wield the power of the pornstache wisely, sir.
Is it possible that, instead of being given a clothes budget, AJ was sent to the Salvation Army with a jar full of nickels? Because that's quite the polo shirt, there, chief.
He didn't say anything about the ebays though.
It would have been soooooooooooooo much better if this had been taken with a camera phone.
I'm sorry, but Salisbury is not the balls. AJ, you my friend, are still the balls.
I just wish you would have added that, upon the extending of his fist for a pound, you covered it with your hand and proclaimed "paper beats rock!"
...ladies
I used to have a polo shirt like that.
Then my dad got a job.
The mustache knows all.
Daulerio looks like a former child star who is trying to NOT look like a former child star.
Does that make sense?
Are you looking at this Annie Leibovitz? Now this is a motherfuckin photo!
AWESOME. Well done Daulerio.
the moustache has become sentient and has taken control of AJ
and apparently he really doesn't read deadspin, or he would have recognized the 'stache on the Balls.
Way to redeem yourself, Freddie Mercury. Eres las pelotas.
Daulerio looks like a former child star who is trying to NOT look like a former child star.
Does that make sense?
Or Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Sean Salisbury : Chris Berman :: Lindsay Lohan : Tara Reid
AJ, why are you resting your face on his shoulder? Sean seems to enjoy it, however.
Winslow, when we going to see you in these photos?
And finally, God damn, AJ Daulerio really is the balls.
and apparently he really doesn't read deadspin, or he would have recognized the 'stache on the Balls.
I think we've already established that he works every day and doesn't have time to read blogs. And he's helping his dad get to Level 3 on World of Warcraft, or something. He's a busy guy.
I love when commmenters break into the pre-jump post. Nice work, Lt.
Is he rocking the CFL Grey Cup ring?
AJ your goal is to get Salisbury's cell #, so we could flood it with pictures of Deadspinners junk.
I...I...I'm mesmerized by the Salisbury Tie...must fight with Clayton...
Would've been better if Lt. Winslow had tried to play tic-tac-toe on Salisbury's suit, but whatever.
Although you can't see it in the pictures, Lil' Sean is erect.
I thought it was Salisbury's dad who had cancer... maybe his hair is one of those "shows of solidarity" things.
Daulerio looks like a former child star who is trying to NOT look like a former child star.
Dana Plato?
La...dies
don't turn into the hipster balls with that stache...be sure to keep it pornesque...
AJ looks like a young street tough that Sean has gratiously decided to take under his wing.
Sean Salisbury may be the Mayor of Miam, but Trick Daddy is the Mayor of Miami.
Word.
Apropo of nothing, I can't seem to post comments using Firefox.
Will must've sold his soul to Microsoft after the Vista launch.
Damn you, Gates!
So, has Salisbury made the transition from being a totally unlikeable twit, to likeable in a snarky & ironic way, to likeable in a "who among us hasnt wanted to send a cell phone cockshot and plow through groupies, even though you were a marginal backup" way? Or is he still just an unlikeable boob, albeit one with charisma and a purple tie?
AJ... I got some bad news about your 'fiance.' You might want to read one thread below.
Winslow, when we going to see you in these photos?
um, never.
So, has Salisbury made the transition from being a totally unlikeable twit, to likeable in a snarky & ironic way, to likeable in a "who among us hasnt wanted to send a cell phone cockshot and plow through groupies, even though you were a marginal backup" way?
No... he needs a neckbeard first.
I'm in love with a man, a man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God?
From dumpy chicks with glasses, to 6-foot model-y types: they all swarmed him. Salisbury was not without female accompaniment for less than 10 seconds"He's soooo tall!" they'd say to each other.
Well, then. I'm 6'5". Who wants to sex Honcho?!
Is it just me or is AJ sort of leaning in for a suckle of Salisbury teet? Balls nonetheless.
So, has Salisbury made the transition from being a totally unlikeable twit, to likeable in a snarky & ironic way, to likeable in a "who among us hasnt wanted to send a cell phone cockshot and plow through groupies, even though you were a marginal backup" way?
Well, it seems he was good and drunk, so there's a start.
How the hell did you talk your way into a VIP party with that hoodie and striped shirt - with the mustache that is full child molester gear - I salute you AJ!
AJ:
When it comes down to making out with Sean Salisbury, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
Mike Damone
Show us on this picture where he touched you.
I hear AJ is really into 6'4, 230 pound quarterbacks with laser, rocket arms.
Big Sean was pretty cool. i was rocking the redsox cap, & in the 60 seconds that i spoke with him, he made a point to let me know he was big Sox fan. little sean, on the other was, is a dick.
AJ needs to watch out for The Russian Beard, because his mustache is trying to meet up with him.
Other than that, balls.
Pic 1: No, no.
Pic 2: No, probably, no, can't see, dude that's a creepy stare.
That tie is making me dizzy.
Just awesome
will "no internet" replace "no homo" now?
This guy's press pass credited him as working for "Hawaii Five-O Sports Media." It's not hard to get a Super Bowl press pass. It really isn't.
Simmons is taunting you, AJ. But I would be at the bar instead, too.
It's easy to be pretty cool when you're drunk and everyone around you just wants to be in your presence. I, for one, believe that Salisbury is still a douchebag.
AJ looks like he stepped into a time warp and was transported from the Bears-Patriots Super Bowl, circa 1986.
It's actually not a bad strategy. Dress down so much that the bouncers/famous people ASSUME you are one of them because a normal person would never try to get into an event dressed like that.