Deadspin
The kewpie doll this morning goes to commenters Chad Sexington (who provided us with this wonderfully ironic photo (and this animated GIF) and, especially, Fiddling While Jim Rome Burns, who came up with a theory that just might explain what's happening to the Red Sox right now. He calls it The Kekich-Peterson Theory, after the Yankees pitchers who swapped wives in the '70s. The Red Sox, he convincingly argues, have finally swapped identities with the Yankees.
Riffing on Bill Simmons' befuddled confusion that these aren't the loose, wacky Red Sox of recent vintage, FWJRB (as he will be referred to in this post) lays out the case.
1. Recent post-season success
2. Bloated payroll
3. Aloof, superior fanbase
4. Aging and/or worthless pitching (with Eric Gagne playing Roger Clemens)
5. Offense predicated entirely on home runs.
Yep: That's pretty much dead on. The Red Sox have turned into the Yankees, and suddenly, their quirks and eccentricities aren't charming anymore. When Manny poses after hitting a home run that brings his team within four runs, it's not funny or cute: He's just being a dick. And Manny's one of the likable ones! The Red Sox have the only player in the major leagues who Cardinals fans boo.
Boston's gonna be fine; as a friend told us last night, if you could build a Major League Baseball franchise from scratch, they'd look a lot like the Red Sox. But that team, that next team, is in the future. This Boston team now, they're look old, they look confused and they look like this fun, talented and fiery Indians team is about to wipe them straight out of the playoffs.
Would The Red Sox Please Make This Interesting? [Fair And Foul]
(Advantage to putting up About Last Night at 5:30 in the morning; smart commenters will write the site for you!)
Comments
That's all fine, except for the fact that Boston ranked 18th in HR this year.
Go Tribe!
Wait, I don't think the sox have swapped with the yankees. The yankees are still a bloated mess. We have just become the yankees.
I just hope everyone falls off the bandwagon and people will leave the rest of us fans alone. K? Thanks.
Chad, Fiddling: awesome job, lads. I think no matter who you are, you have to agree that these guys were original.
It's official: Will is on Da Vinci sleep.
Even worse than Manny posing were the 6 Red Sox fans in front of me at the game last night trying to taunt the crowd after he hit it...down 7-3!
George Steinbrenner has started to look like Gene Yawkey's corpse.
@Jimbo: The oddest thing about Manny preening is that he's Latino, & you'd think it would be easier to control him & get him not to do that.
@MitchKayak: In my previous faux-Dugout I should've noted it as Sox"Fans"
Sadly the Toronto Blue Jays remain the Toronto Blue Jays.
Man, if I had a nickel for every time the Indians scored seven runs in an inning in the ALCS...
Wait, so are the Sox John Travolta or Nicolas Cage?
Manny is a dick, and the Yanks are in way better shape than the Red Sox for next year. A lot of home grown young talent in NY (Chamberlin, Hughes, Wang, Kennedy, Cano, Cabrera).
@Nye!: That, and being the only AL team with an under 4.00 ERA for the season. But hey, 3/5 reasons ain't bad!
From Simmons: "Watch out, Manny -- you might get a white towel thrown at you if you're not careful."
Sorry, Bill. Your star player is an asshole. And so are you for not calling him on it.
So we're going to have a Denver vs. Cleveland World Series? So who on the Rockies is going to hit a game-winning 98-yard drive? Or is the Indians catcher going to lose control of the ball at the last second?
Tha's it! That is it! I had a party all planned, with punch and pie and balloons, and now none of you guys are invited!
Harumph.
@Sh!tShow: Bill Simmons will be there, apparently.
The Red Sox, he convincingly argues, have finally swapped identities with the Yankees.
This means I'm stuck with 86 years of misery? Gee, thanks.
Also, good job Chad and FWJRB. I'll be sending that image of Pedroia to all my Red Sox fans.
The Yankees are still assholes.
The Red Sox have just joined them in being assholes.
For me, it officially came when they invited Danny Vinik to throw out the first pitch in game one of the ALCS.
Yeah. Classy move, Red Sox brass. Have some entitled 17 year old jackass throw out the first pitch in a goddamned playoff series. Thanks.
Pedroia's stunt is of a similar level of douchebaggery. It doesn't really matter, though, as most of Boston will view him in the "Dirt Dog" light.
"HE WAS JUST TRYING TO GRIND OUT A HIT, GUY! A-ROD IS A FAG!"
*Sigh*
@UNC Samurai: That was a low blow.
@Rob Iracane: Only 79 more. You've already had seven.
Does this mean the Red Sox will take two weeks to decide when they're going to announce their decision on whether or not to potentially fire their manager?
Good point. It's interesting how success changes things. Money is more readily available and fans expect more of the same, but from the players' standpoint, it must be hard to stay motivated after all of the buildup leading up to the World Series and the letdown afterwards.
Smart commenters will write the site for you
Denton is at Gawker HQ nodding in approval.
After Peralta's blast I watched Monday night's TiVo'd Heroes.
I made a wise choice.
Like 2004 when the Sox were down 3-0 to the Yankees, they'll just need this very next game (behind Beckett) to make it intesting again... I still think they send it back to Boston (where everyone is a dick/douchebag/racist) and Schilling saves the day in Game 6 - again, a la 2004... then Game 7 is up-for-grabs.
Everyone thought this would go to 7, certinaly no one thought they would just trade games to get there.
Also - way to steal the Steelers terrible towel thing, Cleveland. Aren't they a rival city of yours for football? Have you no shame - and not a single hot woman to show in the crowd?
To the RS Nation: this is much deserved after I was forced to watch Fever Pitch.
@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: Hey, Red Sox fans had to suffer through that movie too!
@supermike4ever: The Phillies used the white power-towel too.
& towels are better than Rally Monkeys.
@UNC Samurai: No matter what, at least there isn't a metaphorical NFC team waiting to dickpunch the winner.
@Gary the No Trash Cougar: Touche Gary, touche.
The Red Sox have the only player in the major leagues who Cardinals fans boo.
Only because Tino Martinez retired.
You forgot to include Asian imports that fail to produce.
@jose reyes.the roof: Maybe scientists could design a monkey who could wave a towel.
Funny, I woke up this morning thinking that the Red Sox were becomming more and more like my beloved Yankees. I was also wondering about this: If/when the indians beat the sox, will they become america's team?
With that said, get the fuck out of my head.
I'm worried about The Dooz, and how it is handling this.
@Stev D: that kind of technology is years away.
Yankees : Finkle :: Red Sox : Einhorn
@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: I refuse to watch that movie on principle. I've still been meaning to check out the Arsenal one though...
Is there a bigger d-bag in baseball ?
[d.yimg.com]
@Chad Sexington:
Have you read the Hornby book? It's a must read.
@DannyNoonan: I'm sure Simmons will soon make an impassioned, wholly flaccid defense of his mop-headed star by reminding us all that Manny's posing and attitude are still not as bad as Barry Bonds' (flashing back to his columns during the 2003 ALDS, when the proto-idiots behaved like complete ass clowns in beating Oakland, thus rendering it impossible for A's fans to root for either team in the ALCS).
Oh, and Pedroia's little punk move is okay, while A-Rod's wasn't, because Pedroia weighs less than [insert name of emaciated hollywood starlet here].
@Stev D: How about a rally monkey that flings poop on Red Sox fans?
I have quite the conundrum. I'm a Mets fan, so my natural instinct is to hate the Yankees. That being said, I find myself hating to Bloody Sox even more due to the high level of douchbaginess of their entire fan base. Does this make sense?
Granted, if I had to pick between the Yankees or the Sox winning the ALCS, I'd hope for a meteor.
@Upstate Underdog: Sheff and Barry Bonds want to submit their names.
Boston is racist! The fans are jerks! Manny Ramirez is a moron! Youkilis is a dirtbag! The team's payroll is more bloated than Ted Williams' head! Anyone who doesn't see this is an apologist!
Does that about cover it? Good. Let's move on to more productive things, like talking about whether or not Mike Vick ever shaved his dogs' testicles.
@Stev D: That would require thumbs, I think. & if the simiam develops the thumb, we humans are doomed. Capital "D", Doomed.
@Upstate Underdog: Because for a player to show what every fan of his team is feeling is a bad thing? Where did this expectation of players having no emotions come from? And people say Boston is racist...
@Upstate Underdog: [thenastyboys.files.wordpress.com]
@UkraineNotWeak: No, but I just ordered it from the Amazon.com. Thanks for the suggestion.
@jose reyes.the roof: *simian
@Upstate Underdog: Brett Myers, Carl Pohlad, Eric Byrnes, Joe Morgan...