Deadspin
You know, it's one thing when puppies lick out of water bowls on a football field. That's cute, because they're puppies, and they won't grow up to resent their parents.
But with Baby Madness, well, you're asking for a lifetime of psychiatrist bills.
he brackets are out and James Brown is in the studio ... but the dribbling on this hardwood doesn't involve basketballs. Whether or not you are a hoops fan, Discovery Health's BABY MADNESS is a slam dunk for anyone who enjoys watching babies play and learning about their development. As a celebration of all things baby, BABY MADNESS offers unbeatable entertainment while providing the latest tips on raising a happy, healthy little one.
If you think some of the college freshmen look young on the court, wait until you see our squad — babies age 10 to 30 months — participating in a lively lineup of events including everything from diaper derbies to finger painting.
This is going to be broadcast on the Discovery Health Channel, so now you know whom to boycott. And it's hosted by James Brown, which makes so much sense that we feel bad about not hating him as much as he probably deserved to be hated.
It's Like Puppy Bowl, Except With Babies [Randball]
Comments
Get Danny Ainge away from that kid's parents!
How do you tell your kid that he/she was a 16 seed? Ouch.
Jonathan Swift is getting an idea...
I don't hate James Brown, but I resent him for taking Gus Johnson's seat at the Sweet 16 table this year.
Did James Brown steal this job from Gus Johnson too?
Can Gus Johnson call it?
Sonny Vaccaro is coming out of retirement.
Hmmm, obvious Michael Jackson reference or obvious Angelina Jolie reference?
What's this about slamming babies onto the hardwood?
Hopefully, they take the high road and don't play that Gary Glitter song.
I need to talk to you for a minute. Why don't you have a seat at the bar right there. What are you doing here?
NAMBLA doesn't want to hear your protests.
♫ Won't you please, won't you please,
Please won't you be my point guard? ♫
I find babies, and anybody else under 4 feet tall frightening unless they are directly related to me
I suppose this too is Billy Packer's fault.
I haven't seen this many kids go into the fetal position under pressure since the Big Ten washed out of the NCAA Tournament. HEY-OH!
It's easy to box out another toddler when your diaper is full of shit. AKA, the Dennis Rodman method.
@Tuffy: Ahahaha!
I'm guessing that James Brown sent in an audition tape that showed him working with Bradshaw and Sharpe.
First commenter to make a Diaper Dandy joke gets executed.
Wait, I mean next commenter...
You don't want to be in the section of the stadium where they are flinging diapers into the stands with the big slingshot.
Throw it down little man, THROW IT DOWN!
@Ron: It screwed up my Ed McMahon tag.
Brady's kids fill out a whole region.
That is a BABY'S JAM right there!!!
Q: is Will more tired from SXSW or the Tourney?
Bruce Weber was going to recruit the kid in the picture, but didn't like his inclination to put the tiny ball in the tiny basket.
Sure, show the picture of the black kid dunking.
Are you implying that he isn't "fundamentally sound" like the white kids?
@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos:
Kevin McHale just signed that kid to a 10 day contract.
@Weed Against Speed: Unfortunately it was a secret contract.
Jimmy B is outraged that his son got snubbed after the season they put together.
At least it's not hosted by the dead James Brown.
That's a lot of pressure to put on such tiny kids. Still, it's not nearly as traumatizing as the Ben Affleck kiddie Red Sox video.
Puppies are always more cute than babies. I'm not watching.
It would be funny if it were like Baby Muppets, and the players involved were Baby Shawn Kemp, Baby Eddie Griffin, Baby John Amaechi, and Baby Richard Jefferson.
Uhh Discovery Channel...John Ramsey is on line 1 for you.
@HeavyPettingZoo: Baby Tony Allen tried to dunk after the whistle.
@HeavyPettingZoo:
Just make sure you keep Baby Jason Kidd away from the cookie jar at rest time.
Baby Len Bias, Baby Richard Dumas, and Baby Chris "Birdman" Andersen are all being represented by Lt. Winslow, for what it's worth.
@HeavyPettingZoo: If each baby Shawn Kemp has as many babies as daddy Shawn Kemp, the earth will be overrun before we have to worry about global warming.
Why is the crowd faceless?
Greg Oden just shoved that baby the fuck out of bounds.
It's a shame Baby AC Green can never exist.
Coach K sees babies play on a mini basketball court every day. Its called Feeding Time.
@Larry Bird Flu: Baby Oden also has a beard
What could the producers use for the halftime show? We already have a Puppy Bowl with a halftime kitten extravaganza.
Billy Packer called the whole squad lazy fucks.
@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: So does Baby Vince.
@Clare:
Conception.
Nantz: Isn't it great to see all these little toddlers have fun?
Packer: Goddamn it! I think the two-guard just shit his pants! This is the worst bowel control I've ever seen from a team!
I would like to enter infant in your reputable tourney.
@Clare: Dingos. Nothing but dingos.
Is there anything James Brown won't host?
@NJP: The Masters. Jim Nantz will knife-fight him to ensure he doesn't.
@Risnuff: Good thing. Otherwise, the organizers would prolly confuse J.B. for Bagger Vance.